Diabetes Dejection

Saturday November 19th, 2011 – Milwaukee, WI

I challenge anyone to attempt to fill a randomly chosen room with at least 100 strangers or more for any reason. I’ve been doing my damnedest for going on a quarter of a century, and it I’m still not able to pull it off. It’s beyond frustrating, and I’m ready to eat a bullet.

It doesn’t sound that difficult, but neither does winning the lottery. All anyone has to do is have a ticket with the correct combination of numbers on it and bingo – instant success. It doesn’t seem that difficult until someone tries it. Then they see how hard it actually is.

I’ve been searching to find any human way possible to fill a room with people to see me perform a standup comedy show for a lifetime, and I’ve failed in more ways than Wile E. Coyote. The latest attempt tonight blew up in my face once again, and I’m taking it hard.

November is Diabetes Awareness Month, and I didn’t realize that until this year when I was diagnosed with it myself. I know I probably should have already known, but I didn’t. I wanted to perform a benefit show so others might become educated about the disease.

MILLIONS of Americans are going to be dealing with diabetes either first hand or with someone very close to them in the next few years, and I know there’s a need to spread the word about what to do to help prevent it. It’s not necessarily a death sentence, but it does require a major lifestyle adjustment that most people aren’t expecting. I know I wasn’t.

I thought it was a no brainer to do a show to bring attention to the disease, and I thought I’d be able to pack a room for a good cause with little effort. It wasn’t about me at all, and I wasn’t promoting it as such. I just wanted to donate my time for a night to help others.

HA! Was I wrong. After calling in every favor I could with every local person I’ve ever known in my home town, all I could get to show up was about 30 people. I was absolutely crushed, and still am. I never call in favors, and chose my event very carefully. It’s not my nature to ask people for anything, but tonight I made an exception. This was for a cause.

I had a long list of people I thought were good friends not only promise they’d be there, but that they would ‘pack that place’ with as many of their friends and family as possible and make it a killer event. The only thing that got killed was my dignity and self esteem.

This really hurts, and it shows me where I am on their list of priorities. If they couldn’t come, that’s fine. I’d understand. But why not only tell me they were coming, but make it a point to say they’d bring a crowd with them? I counted on them, and they let me down.

It wasn’t about me, but I’m taking it personally. The venue still charged us for the room and by the time it was all over I lost money with expenses of time and gas and what’s left is an embarrassment to present to the Diabetes Association. I feel like jumping off a cliff. I got on TV and radio and promoted this like it was my last show ever. I feel like I failed, and my whole life has been a waste of time. I guess I should have learned to drive a truck.


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