Empty Next

Tuesday April 24^th, 2012 – Fox Lake, IL

   Once again, it’s back to the trenches to start all over. I lost count years ago the number of times I’ve had to pick myself out of the mud, clean myself off and try to climb back on the horse of life with hopes of ending up somewhere desirable. Maybe I should change my tactics and call a cab.

Right now I feel like what a losing Super Bowl coach or player must feel like. I’ve invested all my time, energy and focus into one project – only to come up short of the ultimate goal and have no championship status to show for it. The bitter sting of defeat overshadows anything positive.

I did what I thought was right, even if I couldn’t make it work on a scale that met the standards I’d set before I started. I put in a solid effort in my eyes, and have nothing to be ashamed of even though I am horribly disappointed. There have been a lot more than me who have felt let down.

I’m at a point now, none of this is new. I’ve been crushed before, hurt before, and had the exact same feeling I’m feeling now more times than I want to remember. The world will keep spinning no matter what happens in my life, even when it ends. I might as well do what makes me happy.

What makes me happiest of all is making others feel good. I know how much I enjoy watching top quality entertainment of all varieties, and if I can be a source of it for others that’s what keeps the blood pumping through my veins. I’ve always been my happiest by far when I’m performing.

That could be on a comedy stage, or behind a radio microphone. I know what I’m doing either place, and all I have ever wanted is the chance to make a decent living doing either, or better yet both. I don’t think that’s too much to ask, but apparently a few others have some issues with it.

I can’t worry about those who don’t like me, even though I do have to deal with the situation at hand. The fact is, I’ve managed to clash with a few key people over the years and it’s making my situation now harder than it needs to be. I wish I’d handled some things differently, but whatever I did I did and this is the position I’m in today. That could change, but right now I’m in a pickle.

The good thing is, I’ve been in a pickle since birth and I know what it feels like. It wouldn’t be a surprise if some of my ancestors were named Vlasic with all the pickles I’ve been in up to now. I’m not afraid in the least. What I am is tired. I’ve been where I am now so often it’s boring me.

I don’t want to be in this position anymore, but I am. In my mind I should have had life figured out by now, but I still find myself struggling furiously with a lot of the same petty things I’ve had trouble with countless times before. Am I missing something? Is this my own Groundhog Day?

The C. Cardell Willis tribute is now over. Even if it would have drawn 2000 people and got on CNN, it would still be over and I’d be looking for the next thing to do. My problem is I have too many ‘next things’ and all of them appeal to me. I feel like I’m at a rocking party at the Playboy mansion and all those spectacular babes are fighting over me but I have to narrow it down to just one of them to take home. It’s hard to choose just one, and that’s where I am with my list of fun projects. Even Super Bowl winners have to start over again the next year. It’s now my next year.

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