The Right Place

Monday October 29^th, 2012 – Fox Lake, IL

   I’m in a very positive mindset these days, and I’m loving every minute of it. That doesn’t mean I won’t slide back into the doldrums of a deep dark funk at some point, but for now I’m on top of a big wave and hanging ten. I realize that waves crash and wipeouts can be painful, but that’s not my point of focus right now. I am enjoying this ride and hope to make it last as long as possible.

I’ve been through so much in life that it would be difficult to spook me at this point. If I got the word tomorrow I was terminally ill, I wouldn’t be upset. If we’re truly put here to learn, I’ve sure done that and then some. I may not have had success in other ways, but I’ve earned a PhD in life.

I have come SO far from where I started it’s hard to believe I did it in one lifetime. There were all kinds of rough patches and pot holes on the road, but I’m still on it and I finally feel I have an idea of how to navigate my way to where I want to go. It’s taken too long, but I’m on my way.

On the other hand, the more I learn the more I realize how insignificant I am and how little of a scope my life really has. How many people have I been able to touch in a positive way? Who can say? However many it is, it doesn’t seem like enough. I feel like I haven’t done a whole lot and it both frustrates me and keeps me humble. Will I ever get my moment in the sun? I surely hope so.

If I do, I’d like to think I’m really ready for it. I would hope to be looked at as one of the nicest and most giving people anywhere, and set the standard for the term ‘class act’. That’s exactly the way I’ve always tried to live, but I haven’t always been in the correct mindset. I’ve really grown.

Now I’m in the home stretch, and I’m either going to experience the sweetest of victories or an excruciatingly bitter defeat. I feel like I’ve already experienced enough bitter defeats for a dozen lifetimes, but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen again. I can do what I can do, and that’s about it.

The rest boils down to luck, and that’s what really scares me. Mine has been consistently rotten to the point of laughable so far, but again there’s no guarantee it has to stay that way. If I’ve been able to have such unbelievable consistency one way, there has to be a way to reverse the magnet.

I’ve been a student of successful people for many years, and early failures are part of every one of their lives. If that’s the requirement, I have a big home run coming at some point and I want to make the most of it when it happens. The things I’m doing now are preparing me for that victory.

I really do think it’s all a mindset, and I’m in the exact one I need to be in right now. This is the way life should be, and I feel bulletproof even though I know I know I’m not. It’s the opposite of how I’ve felt when I’ve been in a funk when I felt like putting a bullet in my skull. This is better.

That John Mellencamp song ‘Your Life Is Now’ is becoming my personal theme song, and I’m trying to make every single day count. I’ve blown all kinds of opportunities, but that’s in the past and gone. New ones will come, and I want to be ready when they do. If I can keep myself where I am, I like my chances to win. I’ve been all over the place to say the least. This place is the best.

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Your Life Is Now

Thursday October 4^th, 2012 – Milwaukee, WI

   What are the three most difficult words for anyone to have to say? Are they “I love you?” or “I don’t know?” (Well, that could be considered four words if one counts the contraction.) Maybe it could be “The Bears win.” How about “Pass the liver?” I would cast my vote for “I was wrong.”

I think that one can be the bitterest pill of all to swallow. Nobody likes to admit it, but I think it needs to be said when the situation calls for it. I’ve been saying those words frequently in the last few years and it actually gets easier the more I say them. I wish I didn’t have to, but it’s the truth.

Some people just can’t seem to find it in their heart to say those words. Ever. I don’t ever recall my father saying those words to anyone. Everything was someone else’s fault, and he was on the receiving end pointing it out to anyone who would listen. After years of hearing it, it grows old.

Then my father himself grew old, and he died. There weren’t enough people who cared enough for there to be a need for a funeral, and now it’s all over. What of all he ever did matters now? Is anything living on today because of him? The only things that live on with me are bad memories.

I never got to have a father/son relationship with him, and there’s not even a single photograph of us together at any time in our lives. Not ONE. For whatever reason we never bonded, and now he’s dead and it’s too late. It all seems like such a waste, and I don’t want to carry on his legacy.

I want to be the polar opposite of who he was and what he did, and leave pleasant and precious memories for both myself and those who were around me. I truly believe that’s all that matters in the end, and the end is coming for us all. I don’t want to waste any more time chasing the wind.

There’s a touching song by John Cougar Mellencamp Fawcett Majors Rodham Clinton Abdul Jabbar or whatever his current name is called “Your Life Is Now”. I don’t consider myself a big fan of his, but that song really hits home in a major way. There’s a lyric that massages my heart and calls me. “Your father’s days are lost to you. This is your time here to do what you will do.”

How true this is for all of us, and it inspires me to “do what I will do”. That’s why I am so glad to be able to do the upcoming benefit fundraiser for Officer Albert in Milwaukee on October 17^th at Shank Hall. It’s going to bring people together with a spirit of goodness and human kindness. I can’t help his injuries heal any faster, but hopefully I can make his recovery time more pleasant.

I don’t claim to know everything or be right all the time, but this is the right thing to do. It’s an opportunity to spread – dare I say it – love. I never felt love from my father, and maybe he never felt it himself. Whatever the case, he’s gone now, and it’s “my time here, to do what I will do.”

All that matters is showing kindness. That’s it. Everything else is meaningless. I have a ways to go as far as having everything figured out, but I know I’m on the correct path. I feel it. This is the kind of event that touches hearts and souls and that’s why we’re here. I’m not afraid to be wrong, and I’m not too proud to admit it whenever I am. This is not one of those times. My life is now.