Charles Manson – Chick Magnet?

Monday December 2nd, 2013 – Island Lake, IL

One of the cruelest and most vicious jokes life plays that I fail to find the least bit funny or can ever begin to figure out is why every woman I am even the least bit attracted to likes “bad boys”. I have never been, am not that now, and don’t see myself being one in the future – and it stinks.

What reminded me of this sobering fact – and not that I needed to be – was a recent news story where Charles Manson apparently has a 25 year old girlfriend who wants to marry him in prison. She moved across the country to be near him, and she visits him regularly every weekend. Puke.

Unfortunately, this is nothing new. Infamous serial killer ‘The Night Stalker’ Richard Ramirez allegedly had numerous women writing him in prison with marriage proposals as did Ted Bundy. My father was a complete ass, yet he managed to put my step mother under his abusive spell and they stayed together for decades. He beat her and treated her like dirt, but she would never leave.

I just don’t get it. What in the female psyche is attracted to this like a moth to a flame? Do they not realize the flame will destroy the moth if it gets too close? Apparently there is a gene in their DNA that I just don’t have. I love to treat women like queens – but that’s never what they want.

How many women have I lost out on because I’m “just not interesting”? Damn that hurts, but it has happened again and again. I had a woman I wanted to marry many years ago, but she wanted ‘stability’. Fair enough. My lifestyle is pretty transient, and I saw her point. Then I ran into her at a show just a few years ago and the ‘stable’ guy she married had dragged her through the ringer.

Am I happy this happened? Of course not, but I’m also not surprised. I may not be ‘interesting’ to women, but at least I’m loyal and trustworthy. Excuse me for thinking that’s how I’d expect to be treated by a mate and want to do it in return. Apparently, Mother Nature has a different idea.

Charles Manson is getting stalked by a 25 year old chickie in his golden years, and I’m not able to land a desirable mate to save my life. The women that show interest in me just aren’t ones that I am interested in, and I can’t figure it out. Out of seven billion people living, I can’t find ONE?

There is one woman I’ve known for years that I’ve always thought was ‘the one’. She’s got all the tools I like, and I’m absolutely gaga over her. She’s gorgeous, has a great job, is smart, funny and a non smoker. I melt when I’m near her, and I asked her out years ago. She said then that she “still had feelings for her old boyfriend” so I backed off. That was probably my biggest mistake.

We still stayed in contact for years, and have seen each other quite a bit on a platonic basis. I’m extremely fond of her, and we get along great. We go out to eat and talk, and if I had to narrow it down to one woman on the entire planet it would totally be her. I felt like I wasn’t in her league.

Then recently I met her ex, and now they’re hot and heavy again. He’s an oafish lout, and talks like a farmer with “dese, dem and dose”. THIS is who she wants? I realize I’m no Brad Pitt, but this goof is a total rube and I am flabbergasted that of all the men on Earth she chooses him. This cycle has gone on forever, and it stings like hell. It rips my heart out by the roots to know she has fallen for this mook – AGAIN – but I can’t change it. I’ll never be that bad boy hot women want. I give up.

“Chick Magnet” Charles Manson. What father wouldn’t be proud to have his daughter hook up with a celebrity?

Here’s the happy couple enjoying a romantic moment in prison. Will someone please just shoot me in the head and get it over with?

Hey ladies! Here’s another catch you missed out on.

I might dream of Heather Locklear…

…but I wind up with Heather Loch Ness. Very funny, unless it’s you.

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One Man Bind

Sunday September 29th, 2013 – Fox Lake, IL

I’m working about as hard as a one man band can, but it’s becoming very obvious I need to put a functioning team together if I’m ever going to rise above my current level of achievement. That can be a challenge for anyone, but it’s especially tough for anyone with deep rooted trust issues.

Dented cans share the unfortunate common experience of being deeply scorched emotionally at an early age – usually by those closest to us that are traditionally supposed to be our most trusted and biggest supporters. Are there any strippers or porn stars that don’t have some daddy tweak?

What about serial killers? Do any of them come from healthy and productive homes? There are almost always exceptions to every rule, but try as I might I can’t think of even one example here. I highly doubt Ted Bundy’s pop took him fishing every summer or his mom baked him cookies.

I realize nobody’s life is perfect and we all have humps in our past we’re trying to get over, but some of us have had to go through certain levels of hell that were simply not designed for a child of any age to endure. It’s not our fault, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have to live with the pain.

There are only a precious few I can talk about this with who truly get it. My cousin Brett is one and my friend Max Bumgardner is another. Most others will casually say “Get over it,” or “Let it go.” That’s like telling an alcoholic to “Stop drinking” and expect that to be a one time cure all.

It didn’t help that I chose the career with the biggest failure and rejection rate of all, but maybe it was because I’m so used to disappointment it just felt comfortable. At this point I don’t have a clue other than I know I need to do something other than I have been doing. That isn’t working.

If I’m ever going to have a chance at the big prize, I’m going to have to trust someone – even if it ends up grinding my heart into confetti as it has so many times before. That doesn’t sound very appealing, but it’s a risk all winners must take. It’s just harder for dented cans, as we’ve felt such severe pain when everything blows up. It clouds our thinking when it comes to picturing success.

I wish I didn’t have to talk about this at all, but it’s very real and I put it out there because I am by far not the only one dealing with it. I know for a fact it has held me back in many areas of my life from business to personal relationships, and if I don’t overcome it soon I will never succeed.

Today I went through all the projects I’m working on, and came up with a list of the top dozen people I think could help me most right now. That would be a great place to start practicing what I’m preaching, and throw it out there. I have a rock solid list of contacts, but I am often reluctant to ask for anything because I’m afraid I’ll owe them or something. I don’t know, but it’s a quirk.

I read an article recently that talked about the way to get over one’s biggest fear is to look right down the barrel of the gun and do it anyway. It takes a prodigious pair to pull that off, but I have rarely backed down from challenges in my life so it’s either get it done or live a life unfulfilled.

I need to be the head of several winning teams for all my projects to succeed. Period. I can’t do it myself, and I’d be stupid for trying. As much as it scares me, I need to trust some other people.