Charles Manson – Chick Magnet?

Monday December 2nd, 2013 – Island Lake, IL

One of the cruelest and most vicious jokes life plays that I fail to find the least bit funny or can ever begin to figure out is why every woman I am even the least bit attracted to likes “bad boys”. I have never been, am not that now, and don’t see myself being one in the future – and it stinks.

What reminded me of this sobering fact – and not that I needed to be – was a recent news story where Charles Manson apparently has a 25 year old girlfriend who wants to marry him in prison. She moved across the country to be near him, and she visits him regularly every weekend. Puke.

Unfortunately, this is nothing new. Infamous serial killer ‘The Night Stalker’ Richard Ramirez allegedly had numerous women writing him in prison with marriage proposals as did Ted Bundy. My father was a complete ass, yet he managed to put my step mother under his abusive spell and they stayed together for decades. He beat her and treated her like dirt, but she would never leave.

I just don’t get it. What in the female psyche is attracted to this like a moth to a flame? Do they not realize the flame will destroy the moth if it gets too close? Apparently there is a gene in their DNA that I just don’t have. I love to treat women like queens – but that’s never what they want.

How many women have I lost out on because I’m “just not interesting”? Damn that hurts, but it has happened again and again. I had a woman I wanted to marry many years ago, but she wanted ‘stability’. Fair enough. My lifestyle is pretty transient, and I saw her point. Then I ran into her at a show just a few years ago and the ‘stable’ guy she married had dragged her through the ringer.

Am I happy this happened? Of course not, but I’m also not surprised. I may not be ‘interesting’ to women, but at least I’m loyal and trustworthy. Excuse me for thinking that’s how I’d expect to be treated by a mate and want to do it in return. Apparently, Mother Nature has a different idea.

Charles Manson is getting stalked by a 25 year old chickie in his golden years, and I’m not able to land a desirable mate to save my life. The women that show interest in me just aren’t ones that I am interested in, and I can’t figure it out. Out of seven billion people living, I can’t find ONE?

There is one woman I’ve known for years that I’ve always thought was ‘the one’. She’s got all the tools I like, and I’m absolutely gaga over her. She’s gorgeous, has a great job, is smart, funny and a non smoker. I melt when I’m near her, and I asked her out years ago. She said then that she “still had feelings for her old boyfriend” so I backed off. That was probably my biggest mistake.

We still stayed in contact for years, and have seen each other quite a bit on a platonic basis. I’m extremely fond of her, and we get along great. We go out to eat and talk, and if I had to narrow it down to one woman on the entire planet it would totally be her. I felt like I wasn’t in her league.

Then recently I met her ex, and now they’re hot and heavy again. He’s an oafish lout, and talks like a farmer with “dese, dem and dose”. THIS is who she wants? I realize I’m no Brad Pitt, but this goof is a total rube and I am flabbergasted that of all the men on Earth she chooses him. This cycle has gone on forever, and it stings like hell. It rips my heart out by the roots to know she has fallen for this mook – AGAIN – but I can’t change it. I’ll never be that bad boy hot women want. I give up.

“Chick Magnet” Charles Manson. What father wouldn’t be proud to have his daughter hook up with a celebrity?

Here’s the happy couple enjoying a romantic moment in prison. Will someone please just shoot me in the head and get it over with?

Hey ladies! Here’s another catch you missed out on.

I might dream of Heather Locklear…

…but I wind up with Heather Loch Ness. Very funny, unless it’s you.

Advertisement

The Illinois Highway Massacre

Wednesday September 4^th, 2013 – Rockford, IL/Chicago, IL

   My worst fears came true and then some today as I got sucked deep into a traffic black hole on my way to host the radio show at WNTA in Rockford, IL. I ended up taking I-90 which I hadn’t been on in quite a while, and that was a constipated convoluted construction clogged nightmare.

   I left a little later than I wanted to today, and that’s often my problem when I do the fill in work at the station. It’s not all that far physically, but there’s no fast way to get there. If I end up taking one of a few possible routes from where I live, it’s about 65 miles one way. If I take the Tollway on I-90 it’s about 80 miles one way but it’s technically faster because it’s a freeway. Technically.

   There was nothing free about it today, as it’s being hacked up like a serial killer’s victim. They should call this project The Illinois Highway Massacre, as there is literally forty miles of horrific conditions that made me wish I was dead just a few minutes after I got on. It was constant stress as I clutched the steering wheel in my hands and tap danced on my brake pedal the entire trip.

   There was a construction zone for forty miles, and that’s longer than I’ve ever seen. The speed limit the whole way was 45, and it was loaded with trucks hauling everything from wide loads to hay bales that made passing anyone next to impossible. I almost had a heart attack, aneurism and stroke all on the same day trying to twist my Toyota through the two lane trail of traffic torture.

   I’ve never been a fan of toll roads anyway, but this sent me over the edge. Who has any idea of where any of that money goes? I don’t trust anyone in government as it is, but the state of Illinois is in a class by themselves when it comes to corruption. It’s one of the only states that has a three headed monster of toll roads, casino gambling and a lottery yet they’re constantly out of money.

   I called Jim Stone from the radio station to tell him I’d be cutting it close, and I ended up doing exactly that. I made it with about fifteen seconds to spare as the last commercial was ending, and I thought I was going to explode the last five miles as I raced through city streets to arrive before I was to go on. This is not how life is supposed to be, but I’ve been in this situation many times.

   When I got on the air I teed off on the toll road system and all the corrupt idiots behind it, and I got a couple of calls agreeing with me wholeheartedly. People have often told me I’m at my very funniest when I’m at my angriest, but that’s when I fail to see humor as I am too busy venting.

   I really went off on several topics today, and I saw people from the station walk past the studio and look in at me through the glass to see if I was alright. Jim Stone walked past and had a smile on his face, and I could tell he was digging what I was doing. Or maybe I got the wrong message and he was just glad I showed up on time or he’d have to do the show. Either way, I did the job.

   After the show I needed to be in Chicago for a fantasy football draft that some comedians were having. That was the last thing I wanted to do, but I made the commitment so I showed up. I was still stressing from the ride in, and it got higher as their computer crapped out halfway through it. I politely bugged out, and drove home to hopefully get a little sleep. Tomorrow is even busier.