Posts Tagged ‘optimism’

Begging For Boring

May 19, 2013

Saturday May 18th, 2013 – Fox Lake, IL

   It’s raining…it’s pouring…but life isn’t boring. That’s too bad, as I would gladly welcome a bit of boredom right now. In fact, I’d like more than a bit. Twenty years of steady work for great pay in quality venues sounds fantastic. Sign me up today, and I’ll gladly be bored without complaint.

   In the mean time, I’m trying to figure out how the hell I’m going to make it through these next few months financially – and then the few months after that. I’ve been taking it in the shorts over and over, and it’s cleaning my clock. I can use a windfall from somewhere, and I can use it soon.

   And to take the week’s exploits further into the toilet – literally – I was in and out of the crapper  all day due to something I must have eaten yesterday. I had to stop about an hour after dinner last night, and that was a red flag. Bill Gorgo is a fellow road dog, so he got off the road immediately and found a gas station. Everyone who has done road time has had to find a bathroom in a hurry.

   There’s nothing scarier than being miles away from civilization and feeling ‘the urge’. It comes out of nowhere, but commands full attention when it arrives. Nothing on Earth takes precedence during that intense period, and until the situation gets resolved it becomes one’s complete focus. 

   We did find a gas station, but it was a few miles of hell before we got there. I was pinching my cheeks and praying for strength, and every mile we drove seemed like 100. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to hold it even ten seconds longer, but we got there and I got my pants down with no time to spare. That’s a hilarious situation when it happens to someone else, but sheer fright when it’s me.

   I could tell there was something wrong by how fast and intensely it had hit me, and it happened again five minutes after I got home. I was up and down all night and several times today, and I’m not 100% positive what it was that caused that reaction. Whatever it was, I hope it’s cleared out.

   I did eat some potato salad, something I don’t have very often. There was mayonnaise in it and some hard boiled eggs, so who knows if that was sitting out for a while? Whatever the case, I put my time in on the throne all day, and it wasn’t expected. Again, some boredom would be a treat.

   It’s not easy to eat right on the road, and even though I’ve been trying I’ve been falling short in my efforts more than I’d like to. If I really go off course, I’ll be dealing with diabetes and all that goes with it and I don’t want to go back down that road. I came as close to that as I ever want to.

   I basically laid around all day, but I needed the rest. I would have loved to be working tonight, but what happened this week happened and it’s too late to undo it. I took another hit, and nothing I can do will make up for it other than buying a lottery ticket – which I did. It’s forced optimism.

   I can either slide into the mental abyss and let myself be miserable, or I can force myself to get back up one more time and keep fighting. I really didn’t feel like fighting, but what other options are there? Giving up is not the answer – even though there are times when that looks like the best option. This is one of those times, but I know that’s exactly why I need to dig in and slug it out.

   In a way it feels like I’m starting all over again, and I kind of am. A performer is only as good as his or her last performance, and right now I’m between stages. That’s always an adventure of epic proportions, and never the same twice. I’d love to be bored with a full calendar and not have to sweat so much if and when a glitch happens as happened this week. Variety can be overrated.