Defining Crazy

Sunday March 30th, 2014 – Gurnee, IL

With all the hands on experience I have had wading through depression funks over a lifetime, I can always count on one thing on the other end – an extreme burst of creativity. It’s a lot like the shot in the arm Popeye gets when he eats his spinach. I have the same experience, and it’s great.

Is this proof positive I am a bipolar wackadoo? Maybe and in fact more than probably, but I’ve never denied I have a delicate balance in my psyche. Some may call it being a total kook, but I’m a creative type and all creative types have that certain degree of crazy. It goes with the territory.

There are also many definitions of “crazy”. Sometimes that word is used to describe those that think unconventionally and try new ideas. Edison and Einstein had it used on them I’m sure, and if they’re the standards of what the word means – sign me up. Crazy isn’t always a bad thing.

Then there are the Hitlers and Saddam Husseins of the world. That’s the dark side of the word, along with the Jim Joneses, Jeffrey Dahmers and so many more that I don’t even want to glorify with a mention. I think crazy is nowhere near strong enough to describe these insidious beasts.

I think it’s a waste of time to attempt to diagnose the problem. The fact is it’s there and I have been dealing with it for a lot of years. Medication scares the hell out of me, and I’ve spoken with more than one doctor about it through the years. People were nuts long before medicine arrived.

The only practical solution I see is to just keep working through it. Diet and exercise are a part of the program, and I’m the first to admit I haven’t been keeping up with that like I know I need to. I’ve had all I can handle to keep my bills paid, and I put all my focus into my work as of late.

Maybe that’s part of the reason for my recent dip, or maybe it was the places I worked that had small crowds and poor circumstances. Whatever the reason or combo platter thereof, I was really low for a while there, and when I get like that nothing matters. I get lost in a vacuous black hole.

I feel like I’m unplugged from the universe, and on the outside looking in. What I need to keep in mind when it happens again – and I don’t doubt it will – is that there is a creative surge on the other side if I can only wait it out. I should know that by now, but this last time I simply forgot.

Admittedly it had been a while since I slid through this nasty mud, but I’ve been there enough to have an idea of what to expect before, during and after. How shortsighted of me to forget the best part, but that’s how deep the darkness can feel sometimes. I’m feeling much better now, and all that really interests me is Uranus. I know in my deepest heart that’s the direction I need to go.

I don’t know how I know that, but I totally do and I’m going to follow my gut no matter what happens. I had dinner with my pit crew Eric Feinendegen tonight to talk about getting corporate type bookings, and even he’s on board. It’s the right time and the right place, and I feel it in my bones like nothing I have ever felt before. I may have to do some other things to survive while we get things going, but I’ve been doing that all along. This IS crazy – but in the positive way.

Was Einstein crazy? I’m sure he was called that often and by many. If that’s the definition, sign me up.

Call me crazy, but I’m risking my entire future on Uranus.

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Losing The Race

Monday January 21^st, 2013 – Fox Lake, IL

   Today is Martin Luther King Day, and that stirs up many thoughts from many people. Nobody wants to admit it, but race relations are no better today than they ever were. Sure, there may have been some half baked attempts made to smooth things out but as a whole tensions remain thick.

It’s not just between whites and blacks either. There’s still intense heat between every color of the spectrum, and probably as much or more between people of the same color. For reasons I’ve never figured out, the human animal has an extremely strong ‘us vs. them’ gene inside all of us.

We seem to need to find a common enemy, and something as stupid as a different color of skin is a good enough reason for us. If nothing else, the enemy is easier to identify that way as they’re wearing their flesh uniform 24 hours a day. Try as some might that thinking just won’t go away.

Talking about race is very uncomfortable, and that’s probably why everyone is so uptight about it. From what I’ve seen, every race seems to think they’re superior when in fact we’re all a bunch of monkeys throwing poop at each other. Nobody has it all figured out, but nobody will admit it.

Unfortunately, white people have had centuries of privilege in America and have done little for the advancement of anyone but themselves. I wasn’t part of that group, even though I’m wearing one of their flesh colored uniforms I was given at birth. I’m the lowest rank private in that army, and not a rule making officer. I didn’t get to enjoy all the spoils of war a lot of the others got to.

Now the tide seems to be turning and the white man is the target of everyone’s wrath. I can see why on many levels, but that doesn’t mean I deserve to be in the firing line – but I am. I can’t say what I really think a lot of the time, because it’s considered ‘politically incorrect’. What a crock.

For example, if I say I don’t agree with our esteemed President Comrade Obama I get labeled a flaming racist immediately. Hey, he’s half white too – but nobody seems to recall that. Actually, he’s more like Neapolitan because there’s a red stripe right down the middle. He’s a communist.

Debt is at an all time high, and he’s an arrogant puke spewing his Marxist rhetoric but millions of imbeciles are drinking it like Jim Jones Kool Aid. I don’t get it, but this guy has a charisma for the ages that lets him get away with it and if I complain about it I get called a racist and a hater.

Am I the only one that sees the danger of the slithering serpent that resides in Washington or is there hope that the people of a once great nation will wake up and take their country back? I’m a big supporter of the theory of equality, and I have no problem with a President of any color. I am just not a fan of this particular one. I wonder what Martin Luther King would think about him?

We’ve got a lot deeper problems to solve than skin color, but it still remains an issue. I wish it didn’t, but anyone who says it doesn’t is an idiot – and there are MILLIONS of idiots patrolling our planet daily to keep those unnecessary racial tensions high so we’re all afraid to say anything that may lead to an actual solution. I don’t think I’m better than anyone, but we need to fix this.