Idiots On The Internet

Monday June 23rd, 2014 – Island Lake, IL

Two things I have never suffered well throughout my life are (in no particular order) idiots and bullies. Occasionally they show up in the same person, and that makes it extra hard to dummy up and let it pass. I have been getting better at keeping my big mouth shut, but I still suffer relapses.

I always make the disclaimer that I don’t think I know everything and never have. I am wrong a whole lot, and when it happens I readily admit it. When I’m right I will often defend it, and that is where much of my trouble lies. It doesn’t matter if one is right. All that matters is perception.

Today I got into a war of words with somebody on Facebook of all things. I thought I’d learned to stay out of those high school skirmishes, but something caught my eye and I commented on it. The next thing I knew I was in the middle of a knock down drag out verbal clash…with an idiot.

A comedian and former student of mine commented on how he was putting together a chunk of new material, and that he didn’t like most of it. Harmless enough. Someone else that claims to be a comedian chimed in with “Adding five minutes of material a month is a new hour every year.”

I probably should have let it go, but I find that statement to be flat out ridiculous and I thought it was necessary to point that out to younger comedians. NOBODY “adds five minutes a month” of quality comedy material. It’s not that easy. It’s like adding five pounds of muscle. It’s HARD, and it takes a lot of sweat and effort to achieve it. If it were that easy nobody would ever be paid.

Standup comedy is a craft – and an extremely difficult one at that. If one really wants to master it, that person needs to know the rules and have some respect for how much sacrifice goes into it. I’ve spent a lifetime paying dues, and when some imbecile fires off the stupid gun I get incensed.

What set me off was some pompous female – I refuse to call her a lady – that got on some trip about how “positive thinking could make it happen” and blah blah blah and how I was ‘negative’ and more blah blah blah. Sorry, there’s nothing negative about it when it happens to be the truth.

She just copped an attitude on the wrong day in the wrong way, and I admit I let her have it for not only agreeing with an incorrect statement, but doing it so smugly. She has NEVER been on a comedy stage in her life, and to think she knows her ass from asparagus twisted my left nipple.

She wrote back trying to insult me, and I just laughed and unfriended her. Unfortunately, she is a “fan” of comedy to the point of stalker, and now my name will be dragged through the mud yet again. I have a knack for pissing people off, but only idiots. Smart people and I get along great.

Another feud with anyone is just not what I need right now. I’ve had enough for six lifetimes, but I felt I had to defend the craft of comedy so any newbie with a clue wouldn’t see that and get the wrong idea. It’s not easy to add new material – especially when an act is just getting started.

More accurately, five quality minutes a YEAR is more realistic. Whether she hates me or not, truth is truth. I just have to learn to shut my mouth and not start fights with idiots. Nobody wins. On the up side, hopefully she’ll spread my name to other idiots so they’ll all stay away from me.

This about sums it up in regards to Facebook.

Just because we’ve come a long way with our technology, it doesn’t mean we’ve been able to weed out idiots. Stupid transcends everything.

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Radio Rage

Friday September 20th, 2013 – Fox Lake, IL

I had breakfast with my web designer Mark Filwett today. He did outstanding work on my site http://www.schlitzhappened.com and he’s about to redesign my personal site http://www.dobiemaxwell.com as well. If you know of anyone that needs web help, contact him at http://www.lakecountygeeks.com.

Mark is nothing short of brilliant in his creativity, and he and I have developed a solid synergy since we’ve been working together on web projects. I must admit I was a bit reluctant to hire him at first, as we were friends from having worked together in radio for years. That can be a minus.

I have often found it’s best to hire a total stranger, as then if there’s a problem sugarcoating it is not an issue. Doing business with friends can be very delicate, but we’ve had no problems and I don’t foresee any. I’ve paid up front to date, and even though it’s not as much as I’d like to be able to pay he gets it and has done stellar work in my opinion. I’m very satisfied with everything.

What neither of us is satisfied with is how poorly the radio business operates and why we have to do other jobs to scrape together a living in the first place. We both have paid our radio dues in full, and have roamed all time zones in America learning our craft in strange cities and towns we likely never would have set foot in had we not had the sick inner compulsion to be on the radio.

There are only a few ‘naturals’ I’ve ever heard on the air, and Mark is one of them. He’s full of both talent and passion for the business, and I always saw him as a big market personality had he chosen to do that. If I owned a radio station, he’d be one of the first people I’d hire to be on air.

Mark put more effort into his shifts than anyone I’ve ever seen. Once in a while I’d be hanging around the station doing something when he’d ask me to be a caller or help him put together a bit of some sort. That always impressed me, and it still does. The guy loves to be on the radio, and it shows. The sad part is there are a lot of Mark Filwett types who aren’t working, while idiots are.

Radio is the one industry I’ve ever seen where the biggest non talents can keep their job for far too long. In comedy, if someone stinks it’s very evident by the consistent silence from audiences. If it’s not working – everyone knows it. In radio, people can sit in a room and not have to see the audience as it’s scattered all over. One may think he or she is doing well when in fact they aren’t.

Any entertainment field is full of insecurity, but radio is the cake taker. I’ve never seen such an insane bunch of self important backstabbing liars, but often they’re the ones that are able to keep their job for twenty years while fresh creative talents get shown the door. Why? They’re a threat.

I could name a long list of dolts, but I won’t. Mark and I listed quite a few at breakfast, and we were both nauseated to the point we could barely finish eating. The only talent these snakes have at all is managing to keep their jobs as long as they do. It’s not right, but it’s common in radio.

There’s no reason Mark or I shouldn’t land a solid job at a major market station other than both of us are more concerned about doing a quality broadcast than impressing an idiot nipple tweaker in charge who has two first names like ‘Mike Michaels’ or ‘Steve Stevens’ and couldn’t produce an original creative idea with a funnel and a magnet. Bitter? A smidge, but we’ve earned a right.

Need computer help? Call Mark Filwett. He’s not half as geeky as his logo.

Positive Vengeance

Tuesday September 17th, 2013 – Schaumburg, IL

I feel very good about the direction my life is going right now, even though I have exactly zero bookings for the rest of this month. I do have a couple of continuing education classes to teach at Harper College starting on the 25th, but that still leaves my weekends open for possible fallouts.

Those may or may not happen, and I’m ok with it either way. Sure I could use the money, but I’ve got so much to do that if I don’t manage to rustle up any shows I’ll spend my time working behind the scenes like I have been. That’s where I need the most work, and I’m making progress.

I know exactly what I have to do, and I’ve chosen not only to accept but embrace it. I could go on and on about how I screwed up along the way – and I did – or how the business isn’t the same as it was – and it isn’t – but that’s not going to get me where I want to go. I have to look forward.

On the bright side, I have come through the fire and am rock solid at both standup comedy and radio. I have the skill set in both areas 99% of those in it wish they did. Is that bragging? It’s not if one can back it up, and I absolutely can. I may have had some clashes with gate keepers along the way, but that doesn’t change the fact that I can absolutely do the job both on stage and on air.

What needs fluffing up is my business acumen, and that’s what I’m focusing on with a passion and positive vengeance. I used to want to ‘show people’, but now I couldn’t care less what idiots think – and both comedy and radio are loaded with them. LIFE is loaded with them, but I choose to go around them and find the good people. The ratio may be tilted, but quality people do exist.

I’ve been going back through my archives and reconnecting with the top contacts I’ve made in my entire life. If there’s a limited amount of time in a day – and there is – why would I choose to waste even one second dealing with halfwits, scumbags or people who will never ever help me?

It may take longer this way, but I’ve already waited a lifetime. I’m light years ahead as both an act and a person, and anyone who may still hold a grudge against me sees the me that is far in the past. That guy doesn’t exist anymore. We all make bad choices. How we recover is what matters.

I’m choosing to recover by updating myself to the world of right now and forging a battle plan to win now and in the future. The number of those that still look at me as Beelzebub incarnate is laughingly small compared to the ones that like and respect me – or more importantly those who don’t know I exist. There are millions of those, so it’s like I have a fresh new world to conquer.

I don’t need to conquer all of it, and that’s getting much harder to do. There aren’t the big stars there once were, and that’s good because it gives me a chance to rack up a following big enough to rake in a healthy living. Those who would be fans are out there, and I’m going to find them.

That will begin by revamping my entire web presence, and I’m already started on that. I’ll have a new and updated website by the end of the year, and today I had a phone meeting with a person I intend to hire to help me with my marketing. I have three or four people I want to hire, but first I need to keep doing what I’m doing and work on my off stage organization. I’ll have to get back to my act at some point, but for now this is exactly what I need to be doing. I know this is right.