Defining Crazy

Sunday March 30th, 2014 – Gurnee, IL

With all the hands on experience I have had wading through depression funks over a lifetime, I can always count on one thing on the other end – an extreme burst of creativity. It’s a lot like the shot in the arm Popeye gets when he eats his spinach. I have the same experience, and it’s great.

Is this proof positive I am a bipolar wackadoo? Maybe and in fact more than probably, but I’ve never denied I have a delicate balance in my psyche. Some may call it being a total kook, but I’m a creative type and all creative types have that certain degree of crazy. It goes with the territory.

There are also many definitions of “crazy”. Sometimes that word is used to describe those that think unconventionally and try new ideas. Edison and Einstein had it used on them I’m sure, and if they’re the standards of what the word means – sign me up. Crazy isn’t always a bad thing.

Then there are the Hitlers and Saddam Husseins of the world. That’s the dark side of the word, along with the Jim Joneses, Jeffrey Dahmers and so many more that I don’t even want to glorify with a mention. I think crazy is nowhere near strong enough to describe these insidious beasts.

I think it’s a waste of time to attempt to diagnose the problem. The fact is it’s there and I have been dealing with it for a lot of years. Medication scares the hell out of me, and I’ve spoken with more than one doctor about it through the years. People were nuts long before medicine arrived.

The only practical solution I see is to just keep working through it. Diet and exercise are a part of the program, and I’m the first to admit I haven’t been keeping up with that like I know I need to. I’ve had all I can handle to keep my bills paid, and I put all my focus into my work as of late.

Maybe that’s part of the reason for my recent dip, or maybe it was the places I worked that had small crowds and poor circumstances. Whatever the reason or combo platter thereof, I was really low for a while there, and when I get like that nothing matters. I get lost in a vacuous black hole.

I feel like I’m unplugged from the universe, and on the outside looking in. What I need to keep in mind when it happens again – and I don’t doubt it will – is that there is a creative surge on the other side if I can only wait it out. I should know that by now, but this last time I simply forgot.

Admittedly it had been a while since I slid through this nasty mud, but I’ve been there enough to have an idea of what to expect before, during and after. How shortsighted of me to forget the best part, but that’s how deep the darkness can feel sometimes. I’m feeling much better now, and all that really interests me is Uranus. I know in my deepest heart that’s the direction I need to go.

I don’t know how I know that, but I totally do and I’m going to follow my gut no matter what happens. I had dinner with my pit crew Eric Feinendegen tonight to talk about getting corporate type bookings, and even he’s on board. It’s the right time and the right place, and I feel it in my bones like nothing I have ever felt before. I may have to do some other things to survive while we get things going, but I’ve been doing that all along. This IS crazy – but in the positive way.

Was Einstein crazy? I’m sure he was called that often and by many. If that’s the definition, sign me up.

Call me crazy, but I’m risking my entire future on Uranus.

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Disturbing Developments

Sunday October 21^st, 2012 – Fox Lake, IL

   What is wrong with this planet? Yet another psychotic wackadoo flipped out and walked into a beauty salon in the Milwaukee area with a gun today and went on a shooting spree. He ended up killing his wife and two others who worked there, wounded a few more and then killed himself.

   This really disturbs me on so many levels I don’t know where to start. First off, why did it have to happen in the Milwaukee area? They just had another horrible killing spree at the Sikh Temple in Oak Creek a few months back, and that was painful enough for the city to have to go through.

Whether I live there or not, Milwaukee will always be my home town and nobody wants to see their home town’s image tarnished with such ugliness. It’s bad enough we had to have the scar of Jeffrey Dahmer upon us as Milwaukeeans for twenty plus years. I still get that thrown in my face on the road constantly, and I can’t believe how fresh it is in people’s minds all these years later.

That was an especially extreme case, and it got worldwide attention. For whatever reason, what he did and how he did it captured people in such a way it stuck with them forever. They knew his name immediately, and they know it now. He’ll be infamous for generations like Hitler or Lizzie Borden or Jack The Ripper, and that’s how it is. The victims are forgotten but the scum lives on.

This particular case doesn’t appear to have that kind of media staying power, and that disturbs me in a different way. It’s not that I want a publicity campaign for the son of a bitch, but we as a nation have seen this kind of thing so often in the last twenty years it’s hard for it to have impact.

We see it on TV constantly for a few days, and then it’s replaced by another horrific story that gets milked dry. It takes the humanity out of it all, especially with the victims and their families. I heard this maniac and his wife have a daughter, and that really bothered me. What about her?

I wish I could find her and give her a hug and tell her it’s going to be alright – but it isn’t. How is she supposed to ‘just get over it’ and build a life? Nobody ever talks about those who have had to endure situations like this, and my heart totally aches for them. They’ve got big time baggage.

What’s even worse are the innocent people who just happened to be caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. How is anyone supposed to protect themselves from that? It’s just a matter of someone’s number coming up, and it could come up for any one of us at any time. That’s scary.

What frustrates me most is that the lowlife pukes who pull these stunts always off themselves in the mix so they don’t have to face the consequences of their actions. If they want to blow their heads off, fine. I don’t have a problem with that, but why take out innocent people? It’s a waste.

I couldn’t help but think about this all day today and it makes me sick to my stomach knowing I’ve tried to get known for making people laugh and I have to fight and scratch for any little bone of publicity I get but this kook bag flips out and gets on national television. This world is wacked and getting wackier by the day. My heart goes out to the innocent ones who were victims today.