Posts Tagged ‘Colonel Sanders’

A Martian Iguana?

November 14, 2013

Tuesday November 12th, 2013 – Fox Lake, IL

Ever since I can remember, I have been fascinated by anything outer space related. I love it all from red giant and white dwarf stars to gas giant planets to especially UFOs and beings from the outer edges of the cosmos. It has fascinated me my whole life, and I’m still interested in all of it.

It was great fun to host “The Mothership Connection” paranormal talk radio show on AM 1050 WLIP in Kenosha, WI for five years, and I hope I get a chance to do it again. I never get tired of talking about anything interplanetary, and the latest tidbit is the alleged “iguana” found on Mars.

There’s a picture that’s going around of an oddly shaped object that people are claiming could be an animal of some sort. It resembles an iguana, at least according to many observers. I looked at it carefully for several minutes and quite honestly I don’t see an iguana, but what do I know?

To me it looks more like a plucked chicken with rickets. Even so, that’s pretty impressive to be roaming the surface of Mars. If we could have sent anyone there in retrospect it should probably have been Colonel Sanders. He could have breaded it, fried it up and fed it to hungry Martians – and I do believe Martians exist. I don’t know what they eat, but I definitely think they’re real.

I’ve always thought that there was life all over the universe – even in our solar system. Doesn’t it seem a little ridiculous that we’re the only planet out of nine that has anything going on? I have never believed that, and I still don’t. I’m not sure where it is, but I’d bet my asteroid it’s plentiful.

Mars seems like a no brainer, especially with all the weird things they’ve uncovered there since the Viking probe went there in the ‘70s. The ‘face’ is no coincidence in my opinion, and I would be shocked if we haven’t already sent people there to explore. NASA is a lot bigger than us all.

The moon is another interesting case. There are all kinds of rumors flying about why we didn’t go back after the Apollo missions of the ‘70s, and other rumors saying we never went at all. I am not sure what the truth is, but it sure is fun trying to find out. These subjects never get old to me.

One of the most fascinating people I have ever met is a lady named Bonnie Meyer. She’s from Neenah, WI, and she claims to be an alien ‘contactee’ for multiple decades. She was an amazing radio guest, and I was riveted to her every word. If she’s lying, she’s the all time queen of BS.

Personally, I don’t think she is. She’s a very nice lady, and unless she’s a total psychopath she can calmly tell some hair raising tales about her experiences on space craft from other galaxies. I highly recommend her books ‘Alien Contact’ and ‘Unholy Alliance’. They’re fascinating reads.

Is it true? Who can say? I’ve never actually seen an alien, a UFO or even a meteor shower, but I can’t get enough about any of them. That’s why my eyes and ears perked up when I saw all of this about the Martian iguana. I guess like a lot of people, I want to believe there’s life out there.

Well, I actually do believe that, but now I want undeniable proof. If there’s an iguana on Mars, can a skunk on Saturn be far behind? How about a platypus on Pluto? And I won’t even think of mentioning anything on Uranus. Who’d believe that? Everybody knows Uranus is frozen shut.

Does the image on the left found on Mars look like an iguana to you? The one on the right looks like Nancy Pelosi.

Does the image on the left found on Mars look like an iguana to you? The one on the right looks like Nancy Pelosi.

This is the alleged 'Face on Mars' image taken by Viking 1 in 1976. It kind of looks like Ozzy Osbourne.

This is the alleged ‘Face on Mars’ image taken by Viking 1 in 1976. It kind of looks like Ozzy Osbourne.

Joking aside, this is a fascinating book from alien contactee Bonnie Meyer. It's worth checking out.

Joking aside, this is a fascinating book from alien contactee Bonnie Meyer. It’s worth checking out.

Birthday Reflections

March 18, 2013

Thursday March 14th, 2013 – Niles, IL/Stevens Point, WI

   Well, it’s another birthday and I’m officially too old to die young. I won’t be able to squeak by from promising upstart to legend status like a James Dean or Marilyn Monroe. I’m going to have to be a late bloomer like a Rodney Dangerfield or Colonel Sanders. I just hope I live to see some kind of payoff. Being a legend after I’m dead like a Vincent Van Gogh or Edgar Allan Poe rots.

Too bad for me, I’m running out of time and choices. The calendar pages keep flipping and I’m noticing that birthdays are getting closer together and less desired. I was always an old soul, even as a kid. I don’t ever remember my grandparents talking to me as anything other than a grown up as they raised me, and the bulk of my friends have always been and continue to be older than me.

Eventually, they’re going to start dying off and actually several already have. I also have some younger friends, but now I’m playing the role of old fart whether I like it or not. My grandfather always told me I’d be able to know when I was getting older when cops started looking younger and hot young chicks would talk to me and flirt openly because I was no longer a serious threat.

I can already feel the pages turning, especially professionally. A lot of comedy clubs are trying to attract younger customers and booking younger acts is a part of that. Just being funny isn’t the answer, and a lot of my peers that have spent their lives paying dues are feeling it too. It’s brutal.

Life seems to be a young man’s game more than ever before and that’s just how it is. I guess it always has been to a certain degree, but I never had to worry about it before. Now it’s hitting me where I live, and all of the stupid mistakes I made in youth are about to start haunting me. Oh oh.

Having that fail safe ‘plan B’ to ‘fall back on’ I didn’t think I’d need sure would come in handy right about now. It wouldn’t have hurt me to have developed a diligent saving habit either. I only had thirty years to come up with one, but of course I didn’t because “I would always have time”.

A lot of people I’ve talked to that are older than me have said it’s scary how everything sneaks up so quickly, but when it’s on one’s back porch it’s there to stay. Youth is a scarce commodity and when it’s gone it’s GONE. Hopefully there’s enough wisdom left over for the rest of the trip.

I think I have acquired a fair amount of smarts, and now it’s up to me to transfer life fuels from the exuberance and boldness of youth to the wily ways of experience. I’ve always been far more comfortable in this mode, and I think I have a more than good chance to win if I do it correctly.

Today I just enjoyed the company of good friends and whatever family I have. Marc Schultz is several years older than me, but we’ve become very good friends. He threw a lunch party in my honor and some local performers came and we had a great time. Everyone there was my senior.

Then I drove to Stevens Point, WI to have a dinner in my honor with my cousin Leah and her husband Rob and their daughter Janine. My cousin Brett was there too, and I was the oldest one at that table and they all let me know it more than once. This was a birthday of deep reflection.

Tweaking Uranus

June 23, 2010

Monday June 21st, 2010 – Lake Villa, IL

Ask and ye shall receive. I discovered a listing website where radio talk show hosts are able to troll for guests that match the format of their show. It only took a few hours of me having listed The Mothership Connection show on WLIP to get deluged with requests for interviews from Bigfoot hunters to a dentist who claims he chats regularly with aliens.

I received 35 emails in about twelve hours, with no end in sight. One after another, I got pitched by authors and publishing houses and managers all trying to get their clients some air time. I’ll give it to them too, but not only that I’ll make solid connections I can use for future reference. I love talking about all these topics and I need to carve myself a niche.

Having a Sunday night show for four hours isn’t a bad start, but it isn’t the end all be all either. What I need to do is find a way to combine my comedy skills with my radio skills, and then create a network of people who will pay me for both. I think it’s totally possible.

I know what I’m doing on the air, and I know what I’m doing on stage. I’ve got years of hard earned experience in both areas. Now, the trick is to create my own unique show that allows me to shine at what I do best. That doesn’t mean I need to be the main focus all the time, but I do want to be in the position where I’m driving the bus…or the Mothership.

I’ve talked about doing this before, but it’s not as easy as just deciding to and then it’s a done deal. It would take a lot of calculated changes, and I’m not so sure it’s the right time for that just yet. I need to still be versatile for at least a little while so I can stay employed by mainstream bookers. That’s where my work is right now so why should I put it at risk?

Sending out promotional material to comedy clubs as ‘The King of Uranus’ could be an unbelievably stupid move, or it could be the most brilliant marketing tactic of the 2000’s. Personally, without any media hype I think it would be completely stupid. This has to get attention before any shows see the light of day, and that’s a lot different than just comedy.

The whole point of everything is that I’m getting a strong message it’s time to reinvent myself (or at least part of myself) as The King of Uranus and let it start growing. It won’t be without lumps and bumps and wrinkles and glitches, but what isn’t? I need to just get off my asteroids and DO this project. It’s a calculated crapshoot, but I think it will work.

I already see it working. People beep and wave and give me a thumbs up for my Uranus bumper sticker and license plate on my car, and it’s not even that great a car. It’s a big old tub of rusting Toyota, but I see smiles light up people’s faces in my mirror each and every day. Kids get it. Adults get it. Even cops get it. Now I need to just let go and let it happen.

This is a point at which all entertainers tend to lose confidence. It’s a whole new way of doing things, and old habits die hard. But, some entertainers realize that what they’d been doing for years isn’t going to get any bigger, and the only way to fight it is to reshuffle the deck and play a new hand. That’s where I am now, but I really don’t know how exactly.

What I do know is that some ingredients are in place. I have a gimmick in The King Of Uranus, even though it’s not fully developed. I also have a radio show with a growing line of strange and unusual people asking me to be on it. That alone seems to be a major plus.

I really enjoy doing the radio show, because it’s exactly what I want to be talking about. I’m in charge, and everyone knows it. Like Johnny Carson though, I encourage everybody to have their moment in the sun, and I’m secure enough in myself to let it happen. I really want people to shine, because in the end we all win. That’s what makes a show stand out.

Coast to Coast AM is the real Mothership as far as shows like this go, and I’m a big fan. I’m not trying to take over or compete or do anything like that. I’d love to be a guest on it at some point, maybe even a fill in host, but that’s about it. Our show is a cross between a morning show and Coast to Coast AM, and has a different feel. We‘re an ensemble show.

In a perfect world, we’d be on every night as a warmup act for Coast to Coast AM and I think it would be a perfect fit. We could be a little lighter in spirit and prepare listeners to go all the way off when the big show comes on. I’d love to have comedians on and people like George Clinton who would be fascinating to talk to on the air. That would be a kick.

Is there a demand for an every day show like this? I don’t know, and right now I’m just trying to fill the four hours a week I’ve got with as many interesting people as I can locate on a shoestring budget. So far it’s been very good but now I think I’ve hit the mother lode and we can take it to a whole new level. I’d love to develop a world wide cult following.

The key is to mix everything together though. I can’t afford to keep all these projects as individual entities, or I’ll not have enough time to do any of them. If I’m going to be The King of Uranus, that has to be both a comedy character and my persona as the host of the radio show. It also has to be a spokesperson for Uranus Factory Outlet and all that entails.

That will hopefully involve funny commercials selling funny products from t-shirts to greeting cards to whoopee cushions to joke items of all kinds. It will be the 21st Century version of Colonel Sanders, only instead of selling fried chicken it will be rubber ones.

Colonel Sanders became a walking brand name, logo and spokesman all rolled into one. He had a killer slogan and a unique look and everything fell together. He always wore his white suit with a black string tie, and everyone knew him. What will I wear as the King of Uranus? A cape? A crown? A cod piece? Who knows? I don’t. Not yet. But I’ll find out.

Part of this is scary as hell, but another part is the most amazing adventure I could ever think of. Building something out of nothing has always been of interest, and it still is. I’ve never really had any major success, but the few things I did do have been very satisfying.

I’m starting to see the big picture in my head with all this. The radio show will feed the King of Uranus character, which will boldly find comedy where no man has gone before. Even if this whole thing is a flaming disaster, I’ll have great stories to tell for many years.