The Detroit Domino

Thursday July 18^th, 2013 – Fox Lake, IL

   I’m ashamed to admit it, but being an active card carrying member of the human race thrills me less and less by the day. It’s supposed to be my job to find the funny in this world, but with every passing day I’m feeling that desire slip away like virginity in the prison shower. Life disturbs me, and I don’t know where to start. Every direction I look there’s a fire burning out of control. Help!

   The Trayvon Martin case is polarizing the nation. I can’t turn on my TV or radio without being subjected to two alleged ‘experts’ on either side of the argument throwing vicious verbal darts at each other, and I’m completely sick of it. There’s going to be a race war sooner than later in this country, and it’s going to get uglier than it already is. The tension level is rising to a fever pitch.

   In most normal scenarios, this is where humor should ride in like the Lone Ranger and save the day. Humor by its very nature eases tension – or at least it’s supposed to. Try slipping in a joke at the water cooler at work or a party of mixed company and see how it flies. You’ll be barbecued.

   I’m not saying this is a comedic situation, but unless some tension gets released there’s trouble on the horizon. Nobody I talk to is without a strong opinion in this case, and ALL of it has to boil down to race. Try as we might, there’s still a giant gap between races and it’s not just whites and blacks. Hispanics are in it too, and we’re going to eventually clash with China sooner than later.

   And if that weren’t enough – even though for me it’s more than plenty – the city of Detroit has declared bankruptcy. It’s been coming for a while, but today was the day. I’m sure there will be a tidal wave of jokes all over the place about it, and I’m sure there will be many that are hilarious.

   I’m all for a well constructed joke, but there’s a lot deeper significance here and I’m concerned too much to laugh. Detroit was once the symbol of the American manufacturing empire, but now it’s been relegated to laughing stock status. That doesn’t bode well for the rest of our fading land.

   You can’t tell me this will be the last major American city where this will occur. Detroit started the trend of severe urban decay in the ‘60s and other cities followed. I remember Detroit as a butt of jokes as a kid along with Cleveland, aka “The mistake on the lake.” Is it funny? Not anymore.

   Sadly, I don’t see a bright future for my home town of Milwaukee either. I sure wish I did, but I don’t. They’re following the same troubling trend most Midwest rust belt cities are, and people with any financial means whatsoever are moving out in droves. The only ones who stay are poor and can’t go anywhere else. Pretty soon, the Detroit domino will start pushing over many more.

   I hate to be such a gloom slinger, but it’s just how I see it. How the hell can I be funny if these intense problems are flaming out of control? I find it hard – especially since a bad economy kills the entertainment business. If people have no money to spend, they can’t come out and see me.

   Never have I claimed to have any, all or some of the answers. Hell, I don’t even have a single one. But what I do have like everyone else is a need to earn a legitimate living. I’m not looking for handouts or special treatment, I just want to be able to practice my craft and earn my keep.

   That has always been a challenge, but now it’s getting to be downright brutal. This is not what I planned on when I started, and it’s not the same country I grew up in. Change? I didn’t want it in ’08, and I don’t want it now. I thought the America I was born into was working rather well.

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A Nation Of Spauldings

Thursday July 4^th, 2013 – Fox Lake, IL

   It’s the 4^th of July, but I don’t feel much like celebrating. The United States of America is on a horrific downward spiral, and I have serious doubts as to if we’ll ever pull out of it. A once great nation is seeing everything its forefathers visualized go down in flames because the generation of current pampered imbeciles that never had to struggle is pissing away what earlier ones died for.

   I don’t often get political as a rule, but this whole scenario makes me puke. The world is going more insane by the minute, but too few seem to be concerned about it. I don’t claim to have any answers, but I didn’t think that was my job. Isn’t that what our leaders are supposed to be doing?

   I’m sorry to say, but I have absolutely zero faith in our current pack of corrupt scumbags in the positions of power that are supposed to be representing “we the people”. We aren’t being served, and in fact I think we’re not even in the equation. Greedy scoundrels have pushed us to the side.

   There’s a sense of brazen entitlement everywhere that the world owes everyone a living, when in fact nothing that could be further from the truth. It’s out of control from the very top, and there isn’t anyone to mind the store that has any experience. I think we’re in for some painful lessons.

   Being raised by my grandparents was not always pleasant, but now I see with crystal clarity all the things they used to preach until I was sick of hearing it. I admit I laughed at the time, but they were dead on with everything they said. They lived through hard times, and it made them tough.

   Today’s generations – mine included – are clueless candy ass wimps that never had to confront any true hard times. Those before us made some gigantic sacrifices, hoping we might see a better life from it. For the most part we did exactly that – but instead of being grateful we’re snivelers.

   There’s a hilarious character in the movie ‘Caddyshack’ named Spaulding who is the grandson of Ted Knight’s character Judge Smails. He’s a nose picking dolt that doesn’t have a clue that he was born into the ‘Lucky Sperm’ club, but he still has everything he could ask for anyway. All of the caddies in the movie are fighting hard for a few scraps, but Spaulding has his ticket punched.

   America has unfortunately degenerated into a nation of Spauldings, and I couldn’t be any more embarrassed. We’re pissing away in just a few years what took a lot longer than that to build, and the masses don’t seem to be upset in the least. This disturbs me greatly, but I think it’s too late to turn it around. Human nature is playing out the poker hand, and it was inevitable from the start.

   This happens in business all the time. The grandfather starts the business and builds it from the ground up. Maybe a son or two or even a daughter joins in and pushes it over the top. Then they leave it to the grandchildren who never had to work for it – and that’s when everything unravels.

   I don’t see a reason to celebrate America quite frankly. We are in BIG trouble, but that doesn’t seem to be of concern to our esteemed President. He’s taking his family to Africa on our dime to the tune of MILLIONS, and doesn’t seem to care. I don’t think our forefathers would approve.

   Don’t think I was a big fan of George Bush either. Check out their family history and you’ll be just as disgusted as I am. They’re not our pals either. Nobody in power cares about the rest of us, and it’s that way around the entire cruel world. This human animal we are has a lot of flaws, and I wish life were different. Maybe it is in a parallel universe, but in this one we’ve got problems.

The prototype of our country today.

America Is Dead

Tuesday November 6^th, 2012 – Fox Lake, IL

   After a long, slow steady decline, I do believe America as we know it is finally dead. Gone is a mass population hungry for success with a work ethic beyond belief, and replacing it is a crew of arrogant, stupid lazy fat cats who think they’re entitled to everything just because they were born in a place they were always told was “the greatest country in the world.” Those days are OVER.

However it happened, it now seems to be locked in place with the reelection of the incompetent boob that personifies the generation in which we live. He’s an amalgamation of the Kardashians, American Idol and Honey Boo Boo rolled into one. It’s lack of substance with no basis in reality.

Nobody wants to face the cold hard facts of how life really is. They’re all looking for the latest Ralph Kramden or Lucy get rich quick schemes so they don’t have to work very hard or struggle for anything. I suppose we are all at least a little bit guilty, as that’s how human nature operates.

Our whole existence has been a constant process of lessening our work load and making things easier or at least more efficient. Progress and technology have evolved over centuries to the point things are now, and I’m not sure if we’re better off as a species. Struggle can be a useful process.

Having a large problem to solve tends to focus one or a group’s energies into getting it solved. There’s no free time to bitch or complain as all available energy is thrown into what needs to be done to solve the problem. I look at the building of this country as exactly that. There needed to be railroads and roads and cities built, and we as a country knuckled down and made it happen.

Immigrants came from all over the world with a similar mindset and all they wanted was a fair chance to build a better life for their children. They were willing to work their butts off for it, and work hard. They built the greatest country in the world because they paid the price to achieve it.

They sacrificed their time and effort knowing that’s what it took to get what they wanted. They had goals and aspirations, and were thinking of their children and children’s children. They were an amalgamation of races and nationalities and they proved that the human spirit can be GREAT.

They handed our generation world dominance on a silver platter, and here we are screwing that up worse and worse by the minute. We should be ashamed of ourselves, but instead we continue to boast and gloat like we actually had something to do with any of it. “U-S-A! U-S-A!” My ass.

We’re like the character Spaulding in the movie Caddyshack. He was the spoiled oafish second or third generation clueless offspring of wealth, and he didn’t know how to function properly in a world where he never had to work for anything. We are now a society of pampered Spauldings.

I’m not saying Mitt Romney was the answer, but he at least had some practical experience with actually running something successfully. I lived in Utah when he fixed the Olympics mess and it was a remarkable accomplishment. What did our esteemed figurehead ever do besides be elected to Congress so he could run for President? This whole scenario makes me puke. America is dead.