New Sheriff In Town


Thursday December 12th, 2013 – Stevens Point, WI

I have a comedy booking tomorrow in Antigo, WI, which is about an hour away from Stevens Point where my cousin Leah lives with her husband Rob and their daughter Janine. Leah’s father and mine were brothers, but neither should have sired. Their parenting skills were nonexistent.

Despite the fact they rarely if ever got along in life, they both left this world the same cowardly way by defiantly refusing to help their children and neglecting to pay their bills leaving a horrific mess to clean up. They both took dysfunction to a whole new level, but never showed remorse.

My father died in 2007, and Leah’s on New Year’s Day of 2012. She bent over backward to be ‘the good daughter’, yet he crapped all over her and her brother Brett. I still can’t understand the reasoning behind how he or my father acted, but now they’re both dead and nobody misses them.

I hadn’t seen Leah in a while, and it was good to catch up with her and Janine over a pizza at a great little joint in downtown Stevens Point called “Bill’s”. It has become our traditional meeting spot, and we’ve made many fond memories there – a lot more than we ever had with our fathers.

Janine is going to be 20 next month, and she’s just a peach. I’ve watched her grow from a baby to a teenager and now a young lady, and even though she’s technically not my niece she calls me Uncle and I think the world of her. She won’t have the dents in her can like Leah and I still do.

My attempt to escape the horrors of childhood was to become a comedian and roam as far from Milwaukee as I could assuming that would dilute the pain. Leah’s was to marry Rob and move to Stevens Point when Rob found a job as a corrections officer. They wanted to start their own life.

I wouldn’t last very long in a small town, but I respect them for having the guts to pack it all up and start over from scratch. They distanced themselves from dysfunction in their own way, and it worked. They raised Janine with love in a house in the country, and for them it was a good plan.

Rob had to work and couldn’t join us to eat, but Leah told me he’s running for Sheriff in 2014. That’s a major undertaking by any standards, and he’s got a lot of work ahead of him. I’m happy he will be taking this gigantic step, and I really hope it happens for him. He’s paid a lot of dues.

I don’t know of a harder working or more straight shooting guy than Rob, and if he gets elected he will do a stellar job. He truly cares about people, and has the demeanor to pull it off. He loves living in Stevens Point as does Leah, and even though I kid them all the time and call them “The Clampetts” I have nothing but respect for how hard they have worked to build themselves a life.

It takes gargantuan gonads to go after a dream, and that’s why I’ll support Rob to the bitter end with this effort. Win, lose or draw, he’ll run an honest campaign and give his best. Very few ever lay it on the line, and he is. How exciting! My father and uncle went to their graves not swinging.

There are no guarantees Rob is going to win, but I’m extremely proud of him for going through with it even this far. He’s made up his mind to go for it, and that’s the kind of spirit I admire. It’s an adventure and that’s what life should be for us all. My father and uncle never got that concept.

America's favorite Sheriff is Andy Taylor of Mayberry.

America’s favorite Sheriff is Andy Taylor of Mayberry.

Running a close second is Sheriff Buford T. Justice from Smokey and the Bandit.

Running a close second is Sheriff Buford T. Justice from Smokey and the Bandit.

My cousin Rob Golla is running for Sheriff for real in 2014. Go cuz go!

My cousin Rob Golla is running for Sheriff for real in 2014. Go cuz go!

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