Pack Rats


Monday November 4th, 2013 – Fox Lake, IL

The only thing more painful in my life than a festering kidney stone was having to watch as my beloved Green Bay Packers took one in the shorts to those rat fink Chicago Bears – in Lambeau Field on Monday Night Football no less. I’d rather have a dozen more kidney stones and a goiter.

I know it shouldn’t bother me, but it totally does and I’m sour. It’s like an alcoholic attempting to ‘just drink a little’. It doesn’t work that way, and the best thing to do is stay away from alcohol completely. Some people manage to do it for a lifetime, but most alcoholics have a few relapses.

I was doing really well at staying away from Packers games this year, but last week I happened to watch them stomp on their other bitter rival The Minnesota Viqueens and I admit I soaked it in and savored every play. The Packers looked like a wrecking ball, and it was delightful to watch.

My friend Art Hinty is a Packer fan too, and we had big steaks before the game then went back to his man cave to watch it on a giant screen TV. Does life get better than that? Not for a football fan. Hanging with a buddy, eating red meat and watching your team stomp is the ultimate thrill.

Throw a couple of strippers in there and maybe some gambling, and it’s heaven on Earth. Most guys live for the thrill of victory from their NFL team of choice, but with every thrill comes a big risk. No team is going to win every game every year, so sooner or later losing becomes a reality.

I can deal with losing in certain instances, but not tonight. It looked to be stacked in the Pack’s favor, as the Bears were without their whiny starting quarterback every Packer fan loves to hate in Jay Cutler, and their best defender in Lance Briggs. NOBODY thought the Bears would win.

I got to enjoy hearing all the meathead callers on Chicago sports radio sniveling about how the Bears were going to get throttled by the Packers, and I enjoyed every call. By all accounts, that’s exactly what should have happened. Then Aaron Rodgers went down early, and all bets were off.

By then it was too late. I had already made the commitment to watch the game, and my tension level rose as the game went on with the lead changing hands several times. It was an outstanding football game – exactly what the NFL wants – but that’s not what I wanted. I wanted a victory.

Had Aaron Rodgers played the whole game as he usually does, chances are they would’ve won without much resistance. Too bad for me and millions of other Packer backers. That’s not how it went, and now the rest of the week I’ll have to hear the radio meatheads say they expected this.

I know it’s only a football game, and I shouldn’t think twice about it. Part of me has been there for years, but there’s still that raw little kid inside that feels pain when the Packers lose. I’m quite embarrassed, but I’m not going to lie and say I don’t feel violated. There’s some emotion there.

It’s absolutely euphoric when they win, but I’m not sure if it’s worth sitting through when they lose like they did tonight. There’s a part of me that feels betrayed or something, and it’s a whole lot deeper than it needs to be. Does the NFL care one way or the other? Not in the least. They’re the pushers, we’re the addicts. And they’ve got 32 flavors for sale. Baskin-Robbins only has 31.

The NFL is a drug - and there are 32 varieties. They don't care which one you choose, as long as they've got your business.

The NFL is a drug – and there are 32 varieties. They don’t care which one you choose, as long as they’ve got your business.

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