Archive for February, 2013

A One Day Career

February 9, 2013

Thursday February 7th, 2013 – St. Charles, IL

   The process of being an entertainer is a lot more complex than anyone thinks. Had I known I’d have to work this hard on so many levels I may not have jumped in with both feet and thrown all caution to the wind. There are zero guarantees of a payoff, and circumstances change constantly.

There is less work involved managing a fast food restaurant or driving a forklift, even though it isn’t nearly as exciting and doesn’t have a potential payoff at the end. There is a steady paycheck involved, and this far into the game that sounds REALLY good right now. Too bad I missed that.

My grandfather made me promise him on his death bed I would get a civil service job to insure a steady income. He had one for more than thirty years (and absolutely hated it) as did my father and uncle (who also hated theirs.) I loved my grandfather and respected his wisdom, but I knew I didn’t want to settle for a life of misery like they all had. Still, I was always a man of my word.

I promised him I’d get that civil service job, but my heart was never in it. I ended up having to take an exam, and actually placed quite highly on the list. I eventually got called for the position of ‘Clerk Typist 1’ for the City of Milwaukee. It was third shift at a police station of all places.

The pay at the time was $14,000 a year, and I remember that sounding pretty good. I was about 19, and it would have included benefits and been steady cash flow. It could have been the start of a respectable career, and I could be thinking about retirement now with a nice wad stashed away.

Unfortunately, that just wasn’t me. I ended up lasting ONE DAY. I knew within in the first few minutes I wasn’t going to last, and when all was said and done the only thing I ever typed during my tenure as a ‘Clerk Typist 1’ was my resignation. The cop in charge thought I was completely insane, and told me exactly that as I turned in my exit notice. I nodded, smiled and walked out.

I had fulfilled my promise to Gramps and did indeed get myself a civil service job. But I could see the results of what a lifetime of empty existence looked like with Gramps, my father and my uncle and I wasn’t going to be like that. I made up my mind I was going to chase that big dream.

Well, if nothing else I got my wish. I wasn’t like any of them, but now here I sit all these years later with absolutely no financial security whatsoever living hand to mouth like a glorified hobo. I was too busy chasing those dreams and recovering from disasters to put together a savings plan.

I’m not making excuses, but I sure did make a lot of dumb mistakes that are biting me squarely in the meatiest part of my rump right now and it hurts. Too bad for me, as I was sole chooser and have nobody to blame but myself. I hope I chose the correct path, but sometimes I still wonder.

I’m too far into it now to turn back, so all I can do is plow forward and make the best of what’s happening now. That’s a mammoth undertaking, as there’s a lot going on. I have fun things right around the corner like ‘Schlitz Happened!’, but I also have to pay my bills this month. That takes planning on several levels, and my days are consumed morning to night trying to sort it all out.

The Driver’s Seat

February 7, 2013

Wednesday February 6th, 2013 – Fox Lake, IL

   Donald Driver officially retired from the Green Bay Packers today, and in my opinion is one of a precious few in professional sports who clearly understand how the big picture works. He’s had one of the most successful careers I can think of in any sport in decades, and his star still shines.

I have admired him on and off the field for the entire fourteen year run he has spent playing for the Green Bay Packers, but I encourage anyone – even a non sports fan – to look deeper into how his life has unfolded. I would admire this guy even if he played for the despised Chicago Bears.

There are so many good things to say, I hardly know where to start. He not only was drafted in the last round, he was the last of two picks in that round. He was taken with a draft pick that was obtained from the Bears in exchange for Glyn Milburn, and that makes it all that much sweeter.

He was a picture of consistency throughout his career in Green Bay, but off the field has been a champion for charity and pillar of the community. There are all kinds of stories about him having a scheduled appearance of a certain length but staying far longer to make sure fans were happy.

I can’t believe every professional athlete isn’t like Donald Driver, but unfortunately he is about as rare as someone on ‘COPS’ being arrested with a shirt on. He has been a great professional on the field and a greater human being off of it. I am proud to be a Green Bay Packer fan when there are players like Donald Driver to cheer for, and he is what’s right about pro athletes in general.

So few of us ever get a chance to experience the privilege of playing big time sports, and many of us – me included – tried with every ounce of our being hoping to make it so. I feel with such a rare honor comes a responsibility to be a role model to others but not everyone agrees with me.

How hard is it really to sign an autograph or shake a hand and have someone tell you they love everything you do? Those moments will last a lifetime for those who receive it, and it’s always a win/win situation because the love will be reciprocated. Donald Driver has always grasped that.

Do you think he’s ever going to have to buy a meal or a drink in the entire state of Wisconsin if he lives to be 100? Will he ever be out of a job or a place to live? Hardly. He could probably run for governor of Wisconsin, and I’m sure many wish he would. He’s earned the status of legend.

Brett Favre was also on a path to have the same kind of unbridled love, but his selfishness and lack of class fumbled that away years ago. Yes, he was a great player but it didn’t end well after many years of him being the pampered golden child and many – me included – won’t forget it.

Donald Driver was the exact opposite. Everything he did reeked of class, and other players and teams in all of pro sports should look at his career as a shining example of how it can and should be done. The man is beloved in Green Bay, WI and for a black guy that’s not easy to pull off. He has transcended race and everything else, and is a stellar example of how to truly succeed. I can’t see anyone ever eclipsing the well rounded career Donald Driver has had. Hats off to a true hero.

100,000 Fans

February 6, 2013

Tuesday February 5th, 2013 – Fox Lake, IL

   Time to get to work on ‘Schlitz Happened!’ I’m thrilled for the chance to do it, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a lot of preparation involved. I want this to be the launching of a brand that will be sellable for years – even if it’s only to a very limited market. That market will be very loyal.

The appeal of this show in my mind is that it’s an insider’s club. If you happened to grow up in or around the Milwaukee area before about 1990ish, you’ll find it entertaining. If you didn’t, you will probably stare at it like watching a foreign movie without subtitles. I’ll be talking gibberish.

What’s good for me is that there are hundreds of thousands of people who will get exactly what I’m doing, and they’ll be my audience. Lenny Bruce spoke of wanting 100,000 fans and he’d put a career together entertaining those 100,000 over and over again. That’s what I’m looking to do.

Assuming there are 100,000 fans in the greater Milwaukee area that will love this show and be willing to come out and see it, how long would it take for everyone to see it once? This particular run at the Northern Lights Theatre wouldn’t come close to serving them all, and that’s totally ok.

It’s not realistic to expect to get booked there every week, but if it’s a hit how about a 100 seat venue of some sort? That seems like a doable number, and even three shows a week would make me a nice living for quite a while. Even if I did it one or two weekends a month I could do well.

I’d prefer to stay in one location – especially since I enjoy working for Potawatomi so much. If we can work out a deal there, I’m fine with it. Nobody will know until after April, so it’s nothing to even concern myself with now. What I need to do is focus all effort on getting ready for April.

I met with Mark Filwett of Lake County Geeks to put finishing touches on a website. He came up with a dead on design for the main page which features a classic collage of Milwaukee photos that convey the exact message I’m looking to give with the show. It’s all of what Milwaukee has been about for decades from beer to bowling to baseball to bratwurst. He nailed what I wanted.

The site will be up soon at www.schlitzhappened.com. I also got www.schlitzhappens.com, as I know people will confuse the title, at least at first. Mark gets the concept, and having a website is crucial to get customers who don’t live in Milwaukee anymore but would still enjoy the show.

I’ll bet there are at least 100,000 but probably a lot more that don’t live in the area anymore but would love to see a show like this. I’m going to have some local themed merchandise as well, so a functional website will be one of my wisest investments. I am claiming this base of customers.

There are a ton of potential products I could come up with, and I intend to do exactly that. The first and most important one is the actual show though, but I’m confident I can pull that off with nary a glitch. I’ve been performing my whole life, and this is right in my wheelhouse. I know all the material because I’ve lived it. It’s all ingrained deep within my soul just like it’s inside all the souls of the people who will become the biggest fans.  If I can get 100,000 of them, I’m golden.

Late But Still Great

February 6, 2013

Monday February 4th, 2013 – Fox Lake, IL

   When I started in comedy, all that meant anything to me was to be a big deal in my home town. I didn’t know how life or the entertainment game worked, and I didn’t care. All I wanted was the recognition as being a legitimate comedian – even though the reason I wanted it wasn’t healthy.

I’ll embarrassingly admit it now even though I didn’t even know it then that I was out to prove myself and show everyone – mainly my father – that I was indeed worth something even though he constantly told me I would never amount to anything. It was important to me to disprove him and anyone else who happened to have a low opinion of me. I was determined to show them all.

That’s never the right reason to do anything in my opinion, but it took decades of making huge mistakes to figure that out. I fought, clawed and scratched my way up the ranks over those years, learning one painful lesson after the next. It’s only now I feel I’m finally starting to hit my stride.

Someone told me years ago that if I stayed with it long enough, I would eventually acquire that recognition in my hometown I craved so badly but by the time I got it I wouldn’t care. I couldn’t comprehend that concept then, but I totally do now and it was 100% accurate. I understand now.

Still, even though it’s late in coming it feels really good. My reasons have totally changed, and now I can just enjoy it for what it is – big fun. I no longer feel a need to prove myself to anyone, as I have more than proved to myself I could do all the things I’d set out to do when I started out.

I got a call today from Bob Rech, the Entertainment Director at the Northern Lights Theatre at Potawatomi Casino in Milwaukee. We are going to team up on a series of ‘Schlitz Happened! An Old Milwaukee Blatz from the Pabst’ shows on Saturdays in April, and I’m delighted to be there.

The Northern Lights Theatre is a spectacular venue, and it’s become my absolute favorite stage since I started working there several years ago. Bob and the entire staff are always super friendly to work with, and it’s far and away the best I’ve ever been treated locally. They’ve won me over.

Even the security and wait staff have been wonderful, and it’s to the point now they invite their friends when I’m there because they enjoy my show. I feel completely at home on that stage, and I have consistently killer shows whenever I work there. Putting this run of shows together will be a grand slam home run and it’s been a long time coming – especially on my end. I am SO ready.

There’s still a lot of work to do, but this will be a total labor of love. I will be ready to deliver a CLEAN but still funny local comedy show, and it will be a perfect fit for that venue. I’m excited beyond words to get this chance. I made my mistakes years ago; it’s time to get what I’ve earned.

I’m not going into this to prove anything to anyone other than I’ve grown up and become a top level entertainer like I set out to do in the first place. My father is dead, and so are the issues that made me feel I needed to get his approval. I got my own approval, and that’s all I ever needed in the first place. This is going to be a wonderful experience, I feel it. The timing couldn’t be better.

Not So Super

February 4, 2013

Sunday February 3rd, 2013 – Fox Lake, IL

   The Super Bowl without the Green Bay Packers in it is about as interesting to me as an electric guitar is to an Amish musician. I couldn’t care less who wins or loses, and if it were up to me I’d just as soon there be some kind of unplanned power outage or something to get everyone talking.

Oh wait – that’s exactly what happened. I wasn’t going to watch even one play of the game this year until I received an invite from Mark Gumbinger to attend a party at his house and I said yes. He’s got the ultimate man cave in his basement complete with a state of the art sound system and one of the biggest screen TVs of all time, so that was a no brainer. I was flattered to be invited.

We hung out and watched the game, even though none of us had any vested interest in it. None of us had any money bet, and we didn’t do squares or anything like that. Some people I know are not able to watch any sporting event without betting something, but that demon never found me.

One thing I couldn’t help noticing was the pageantry of it all. It’s a manufactured holiday and is now ingrained in the American culture like Thanksgiving or Christmas. Right or wrong, that’s how big it is and we all got to talking about that when the power went out during the game. We’d first thought there was a terrorist incident, and I’m sure we weren’t the only ones guessing that.

Maybe there’s a bigger story behind it, or maybe it was just some minimum wager that pushed a wrong button at the wrong time. Either way it ended up affecting an event hundreds of millions of people were watching and betting on all over the globe and it is now etched in sports history.

Years from now sports fans will bring up “The Power Outage” Super Bowl and it will be a part of the common knowledge between us just as “The Immaculate Reception” in Pittsburgh or “The Ice Bowl” in Green Bay now is. Participants in this game will be interviewed to share memories.

What overwhelming astronomical odds it was also that the coaches were brothers. What are the chances of that happening? It’s ridiculously rare for anybody to make it to the big leagues in any sport much less brothers, and then to have brothers meet as Super Bowl coaches is off the charts.

Life itself is about overcoming tremendous odds. ONE sperm cell makes it out of billions that try, and nobody remembers the others. Nobody remembers the losers of any Super Bowls either, except for that team’s players and fans. People in San Francisco are bumming today, but nobody else really cares. I had no emotion watching the game whatsoever, except not liking Ray Lewis.

I find that guy absolutely reprehensible, both of his belief that ‘God is on his side’ and also for the incident he was implicated in where a double murder happened in his presence. He makes me nauseous whenever he comes on TV, and it seems so wrong that he gets two Super Bowl rings.

But what does it mean what I think? Not a lot. I bet less than .0001 of China’s billions couldn’t care less about Ray Lewis much less pronounce his name correctly. Wars are still going on in too many places and millions are still starving. That should put things into perspective, but it doesn’t.

Outlasting The Weenies

February 3, 2013

Saturday February 2nd, 2013 – Saugatuck, MI

   There’s a new generation of comedy show bookers coming up the ranks, and I’m delighted I’m on their radar. When anyone starts at anything, they pretty much have to take their lumps and eat dust, crow or whatever other unpleasant dish is on the menu and they either accept it or move on.

It’s kind of like when a parent refuses to accept that a child has grown up and still reverts back to calling them a childhood nickname. Those days are over, but not in the parent’s mind. It’s the same with the comedy process. Bookers know they can abuse all the newbies because there will be an endless supply lining up to get whatever anyone may turn down. Respect rarely is given.

Well, I’ve had my issues with many of them over the years but have clawed and scratched my way to my position now. Whatever anyone may think of me personally, I am a rock solid comic and can handle just about any situation anyone can put in front of me. I’ve become a headliner.

I’ve also managed to establish a reputation of being a nice guy to deal with, even though there will always be those that think I’ve got three sixes tattooed on my head somewhere. I can’t help what those few think, and can only try to continue doing the best I can onstage and off. And I do.

It’s paying off because I’m getting calls asking me to work gigs I didn’t know existed. I’m glad to get work in general, but it’s especially nice to be respected by those who are asking. It’s funny how a reputation grows and then becomes part of one’s identity for life with those who make it.

I feel a sense of respect in comedy now that has never been there before, and even though I had to trade my youth to get it I’ll take it and enjoy every minute of it. Those I met as a piss ant little beginner didn’t have to be nice to me – and many weren’t. Taking it personally was my mistake.

It wasn’t me as much as the position I was in, but now that’s changing. I’m now someone who can make a booker look good in virtually any situation, and not be a pain in the ass prima donna off stage either. The new breed of people I’m dealing with is realizing that, and it feels fantastic.

Tonight I worked in Saugatuck, MI for a guy named Jerry Donovan. He’s booking some shows in the Western Michigan area around Grand Rapids, and this one was a pure delight. Jerry wasn’t able to be at this particular show as he had two others going, but that’s a super problem to have.

I honestly can’t remember how he even got my name, but he contacted me a few months ago to book a show and I got to pick my week which was tonight. There was a full house and they came to laugh. Jerry’s wife Sara was running the show and couldn’t have been easier to deal with. She paid me in cash before I went on, and made sure my intro was correct. This is how it should be.

I’d work for people like this any time, and they think the same of me. I can feel a synergy with these people, and that’s also how it should be. I am now the one in the driver’s seat with the hard earned experience, but I don’t want to let any of that go to my head. Being easy to deal with will keep the work coming in, and that’s what I want. Slowly but surely I’m outlasting the weenies.

New Old Material

February 3, 2013

Friday February 1st, 2013 – Frankfort, IL

   Comedians and non comedians alike are constantly obsessed with who has ‘new material’, and it’s a waste of time. It’s natural to want to grow and expand, but there first needs to be rock solid old material on which to build. That takes years of work, and it’s a lot harder than it may appear.

Comedians of the Vaudeville era would often do virtually the same act for forty and fifty years, even though that might be a little obsessive in the other direction for today’s needs. What I mean by getting ‘old’ material is having pieces that are polished and can be performed automatically in any situation without having to think about them. Those don’t come overnight to any performer.

Standup comedy is not natural in that nobody gets up in the morning and plans what they’ll say to their spouse or their boss or the people at work. Conversation is spontaneous. Standup comedy gives the ILLUSION of one just making up one funny line after the next on cue without effort.

Real life just doesn’t work like that, even though when it’s done well standup comedy gives the false impression it does. A good comedian makes it look effortless when in fact it’s anything but. The public doesn’t know that and doesn’t care, but smart eyes and ears know comedy is a craft.

I performed with Mike Preston tonight at ‘CD & ME’ in Frankfort, IL. That’s a gig Ken Sevara has been booking for several years now, and although it’s always fun there are a lot of regulars in the audience. They only do comedy seasonally, and Ken likes to use the same core group of acts.

I totally get what Ken is doing, and it makes perfect sense. It’s not a comedy club per se, and to constantly bring in new people for a one night part time gig would be virtually impossible. It’s an economics thing, and the people he brings in are very good acts. It’s been a win/win for all of us.

That being said, I like to purposely switch my set around in situations like this because I know there will be a certain amount of people who will have seen me before and I like to make it fresh for both them and me. I might do some of the same bits, but I change the order and add new ones whenever possible. When I can keep them on guard it’s good for everyone as it keeps us all alert.

There’s no law that says I have to do that, and some comedians do the exact same jokes they’ll always do in the exact same order, even though they know they’ve done it at the exact same club. There gets to be a fine line between consistency and laziness, and it takes effort to identify where it is. Some acts will walk through their set to get the money. I’ve always tried to be a bit deeper.

I like to know where I am and who may or may not have seen me before. There are people who like to see the same bits again, and I’m to the point where I get requests from regulars to do some bits like ‘Doris The Porkasaurus’ or ‘The Greyhound Bus’. When asked, I’ll always try to oblige.

Tonight I went back into my archives and did some material I haven’t done in years. I can’t say why, but I knew it would work so I did it. And it did. A group who has seen me often came up to me after the show and said how much they enjoyed all of my ‘new’ material. If they only knew.

Tweaks And Quirks

February 1, 2013

Monday January 28th, 2013 – Fox Lake, IL

   Everyone on this planet is at least a wee bit crazy to a certain degree, and I have yet to hear of or personally meet any exceptions. We’ve all got tweaks and quirks of some sort, and it becomes an issue of whether we choose to either embrace or fight them. Whatever the case, they’re there.

I freely admit to several my own, even though I haven’t decided whether I’m going to embrace or fight. All I know is certain things get under my skin even when I know they shouldn’t. We all have our own individual demons, and I guess that’s what makes life interesting – or maddening.

One of my longest running tweaks has been the insane need to have my gasoline purchases end up at a round number. I’ll try to always hit it on an even dollar amount, but in a pinch I can settle for .50 or .25. What I absolutely CANNOT deal with is an ‘.01’. It drives me out of my mind.

I know in the scheme of life it shouldn’t make even the slightest difference – but it totally does. I can’t stand going over the even dollar amount, and often I’ll keep pumping to the next one even if my tank is already full. I’ll get out a gas can from my trunk and fill that, and if I blow it again I find other cars and top off their tanks. I know full well this is meaningless, but I can’t get over it.

I can’t be the only one to have this be an issue, as I swear some gas pumps don’t even have the ability to stop on the ‘.00’. I’ve had hair trigger pumps that have been impossible to master and it has become a lifelong crusade to avoid them like the plague. Give me accuracy or give me death.

Another deep dent in my personal can is having to wait at a red light longer than those going in the other direction while there is an arrow for them to turn left. This frustrates me to the point of full on mouth foamage, even though I know there’s not one thing I can do but wait for it to pass.

I know I should just turn up my radio and whistle a tune, but it goes deeper than that. I feel like I’ve chosen the wrong life path whenever this happens, and those going the other direction are on the road to success while my opportunities slowly leak away like the water in the baggie holding the goldfish I won at the carnival when I was nine. Is there a pill I can take to make this stop?

Again, I don’t know why this particular situation should be so annoying to me but it is. It goes on every day, and if it were an even split I’d be a lot better with it but it isn’t. I’ve counted  how many times I’ve gotten the arrow in my direction versus the times I’ve had to wait and it’s never been close to being even. Usually it’s about ten to one against me, and that makes it even worse.

I keep thinking the time I have to wait for the other side to go dips into my cosmic rhythm and causes me to be even more off track than I already am. How do I know I wouldn’t miss meeting the woman of my dreams by just a few seconds because I was stuck waiting at a traffic signal?

This is all wasted energy, and sadly I totally know it. In a perfect world, we’d all be able to get over these eccentric issues, but everyone has them and they’re not going away any time soon. It’s a matter of choice as to whether anyone embraces or fights, and I still haven’t made up my mind.

The Silver Fox

February 1, 2013

Tuesday January 29th, 2013 – Fox Lake, IL

   I was saddened today to learn of the passing of a comedian I worked with many years ago from New Orleans named John Schnauder. We only worked together a couple of times, but he remains one of my all time favorite human beings I’ve ever crossed paths with. He was a wonderful soul.

We first worked together in Jacksonville, FL in the mid ‘80s at a club called The Punch Line. It was part of a chain that started from of the original Punch Line in Atlanta, and there were about a dozen clubs throughout the Southeast during the heyday. It was a great run of well paying work.

I was booked as the opening act with John being the feature. Shirley Hemphill from the sitcom “What’s Happening” was the headliner, and the first real celebrity I had ever worked with for an entire week. She was kept in a nice hotel, and John and I shared a week in the ‘comedy condo’.

There could and should be a book written about what goes on in comedy condos, but that’s not the focus right now. All it is is an apartment where comedians stay when they’re in town to work a comedy club. It’s an investment for the club rather than spending money to keep us in hotels.

Anyway, I got to spend that whole week getting to know John and I liked him more by the day. He was in his 50s then, MUCH older than the average comedian of that day – especially one that wasn’t a headliner. He had raised a family of seven children, and decided he wanted to live out a dream and be a comedian. He was very humble, and absolutely loved everything about comedy.

Most comedians – me included – get into comedy to fill an ugly void we never were able to fill at home with our families or lack thereof. John was completely different. He was no dented can, and that’s probably what I liked about him. He was warm and friendly, and it was contagious not only to me but to audiences too. He was extremely likeable, and loaded with charisma to boot.

He billed himself as ‘The Silver Fox’ of comedy, and his New Orleans accent was up front and a big part of who he was. I’ve often said how much I can’t stand that smelly hell hole personally, but that doesn’t mean I can’t like the people who come from there. They’re extremely friendly.

John Schnauder falls into this category, and we really hit it off that week. We were able to stay in touch for a few years, but this was before the internet when that was a lot more difficult to do. I hadn’t seen him in years, but I thought of him when his beloved New Orleans Saints made it to the Super Bowl. That alone caused me to cheer for them, and when they won I smiled for John.

John’s granddaughter Rhiannon Schnauder Perry informed me of his passing, and I posted my condolences to the family via the guest book. There was a large album of photographs from his life that really touched me, as most of them were him next to his kids or grandchildren and there were smiles on everyone’s faces. His love and radiance just shined through. He was a mensch of epic proportions, and just because he never hit the big time in show business doesn’t mean he is anything less than an outstanding success and winner in the game of life. He lived his dream, but also had a loving family. To me, that’s true success. Much respect to The Silver Fox. I miss him.

Twitter Shmitter

February 1, 2013

Wednesday January 30th, 2013 – Fox Lake, IL

   There comes a point when I think it’s acceptable to ask just how much technology do we really need? I think that point is now. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I’ve been deeply over my head with all of it for several years now. Five year old kids can run circles around me, and I know it.

Email was pretty cool, I must admit. I think I bought my first computer in 1996 or right around there, and it was a desktop behemoth somewhat akin to the old wood grain TVs our grandparents had. I had a dial up AOL connection and I thought I was George Jetson. The future had arrived.

I reconnected with old friends online, and made new ones. I was fine with that level of business and had it not gone any farther I would be a happy man today. I was never into video games or at the cutting edge of needing to have the latest gadgets and that’s where I got trampled by the herd.

Cell phones were another hurdle. I scratched and clawed against getting one for years, as I just couldn’t see a practical need to carry a phone with me for any other reason than my car breaking down. With my luck with cars I should have been one of the very first on the planet to have one.

I finally broke down in about 2000 and signed up for a cell phone when I was working in radio in Salt Lake City. The station had a group discount plan, and I still remember joking on air about how stupid I thought it was for everyone to have to haul them around like modern walkie talkies.

I found nothing wrong whatsoever with how the old system was of a phone at home and others located at strategic locations that could be used by anyone who needed them. Why would we all need to carry our own? Well, I guess none of us actually need to but it sure has caught our fancy.

Who walking the earth in the 21st Century could imagine life without a cell phone? I left mine at home the other day and needed to call someone, and actually tried to find a pay phone. Good luck with that search. I might as well look for two, and if I’d happen to find them I’ll bet Jimmy Hoffa will be talking to Amelia Earhart. I am officially a member of the last dinosaur generation.

That’s funny to me, as my grandparents used to look at me as Mr. Spoiled Brat with all the new technology they never had – including indoor plumbing and running water. I heard about all their struggles growing up ranging from milking cows to cutting wood for heat and I’d laugh about it.

Now everyone is laughing at me. I was at the cell phone store the other day because my what is supposed to be a smart phone wasn’t functioning properly. It turns out the phone was totally fine but I was the moron for not knowing how to program it. Phone – smart. Owner – not. How ironic.

The latest obstacle I’ve been fighting is Twitter. Everyone seems to be on it, but I can’t for the life of me see why. Short blasts of meaningless tripe from Ashton Kutcher or Nicki Minaj aren’t a priority in my life, but neither was all the other stuff I now couldn’t live without. I think I need to be very careful before I totally poo poo the idea, but I’m too busy with Facebook and Linkedin and trying to keep track of everything else I’m not able to keep under control. Life passed me by.