Oh Deer

Saturday November 17th, 2012 – Fox Lake, IL

   I’m feeling the funk coming on, and not the way I like it. I wish I weren’t so familiar with this feeling, but I totally am. I need to batten down the hatches, and know that it’s going to eventually pass like a hurricane. There may be some damage to deal with, but it’s beyond my control now.

Sirens are going off all over the place in my head, and I’m trying to put plywood over windows and prepare for the brunt of the storm. I’ve had a nice run this year in many ways, but the holiday season showed up before I was ready for it, and now it’s going to be six weeks of waiting it out.

Last night’s gig in Champaign, IL really put me in a bad place also. It could have been MUCH worse, but I still wasn’t thrilled about having that as my only work this week. I know a lot of my comedian friends are struggling too, but I feel like I’m wasting my prime years and that bugs me.

Instead of trying to piece together old cars and scrape up rent money, I want to be touring all of the best venues and making my fans happy. I want to be a champion for charitable causes and the person people think of when the word ‘humanitarian’ is spoken. How can I do any of that when I have a hard time paying my bills every month – and those bills aren’t much. I live like an insect.

I dropped off Jim McHugh about 3am, and on my way home I was driving through Barrington, IL when a deer jumped in front of my path and scraped against the front of my car. I slammed on the brakes and violently swerved or I would have hit it head on. Instead, I grazed it on the fanny.

Jim and I happened to be talking about hitting deer with cars on the way home, and he said it’s never happened to him. I’ve had it several times, and wouldn’t you know it this morning it would have to happen again. I can’t believe I didn’t plow into it head on. I must have missed by inches.

That would be a typical Mr. Lucky story – spend time and money getting a ‘free’ car back into running order only to have it totaled by hitting a deer two days later. It came close to happening, and I can’t believe it didn’t. It did leave a smear on my bumper, and one in my shorts to match.

Then this morning I went to my post office box and got a nasty letter from the state giving me a total and a deadline for how much I owe for my tax bill. It’s WAY more than I have, and I will probably have to juice up my credit card to the gills to pay it off. I knew this was coming, but it’s far worse when it actually happens. It took me down even lower, but I tried to remain positive.

The weather was beautiful, and I tried to focus on that and stay in the sunshine for as long as I could. I took a nice walk and stopped in a dollar store to buy a drink and got in line behind some fat war pig with three screaming welfare babies who argued about the price of diapers and made the line wait a lot longer than any of us needed to. The clerk was an idiot too, and it was torture.

When it rains, it pours. I feel like I’m back in a rut I thought I crawled out of, and it’s about as frustrating as it gets. I don’t know what else to do but wait it out, and this is when I could use an encouraging word more than ever. My self esteem has hit the skids, and I feel I’ve lost my mojo.


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