Hurricane Sandy

Tuesday October 30^th, 2012 – Fox Lake, IL

   Hurricane Sandy drives home the unflinching point yet again just how unpredictable life is and how nothing is guaranteed to any of us. Who would have thought a hurricane of all things would cripple New York City and leave millions of people without electricity throughout several states?

On one hand it’s a total shocker, but on the other I’m surprised stuff like this doesn’t happen on a much more consistent basis. As much as we might not want to admit it as a species Earth is still a wild planet and we aren’t in control as much as we think we are. Mother Nature isn’t our bitch.

We as humans are basically a few billion fleas on the fanny of a celestial dog, and just a couple of well placed shakes can remove us from the equation in a hurry. We aren’t in the position to be cocky and think we actually call the shots, but we totally are. I doubt if this will change anything.

Watching television coverage of it all was very surreal – especially since I was able to look out my window and see calm weather and sunshine. I had power, food to eat and life was transpiring as I’ve grown to expect it. It was hard to believe millions of others had their lives in total chaos.

It didn’t hit home as hard as it probably should have, and I’m grateful it didn’t. If it did, I’d not have been able to watch it on television because my power would be out and I’d be trying to find a way to deal with the situation first hand. It was much better watching it unfold from a distance.

We of the modern age really are spoiled beyond belief. I don’t think we come close to having a real idea of how lucky we truly are to have the access to the convenience and technology that we do. We take it for granted and assume it’s our basic right, and I’m as guilty or more as anybody.

This planet has been around a lot longer than us, and will be here a long time after we’ve been evicted for treating it like a rental car. Events of true awesomeness like this serve to remind us in no uncertain terms exactly who’s in charge, and it isn’t us. We’re just along for a temporary ride.

I heard that only twenty people lost their lives as a direct result of the storm, and that’s nothing less than miraculous. One would think thousands would be vaporized in something so enormous, and in the past that may have been the case. Fortunately, technology has helped make life easier.

Still, the damage appears to be devastating and it will take years to rebuild what was destroyed in less than a day. It reminded me of the ant hills I kicked over as a kid. Those ants worked really hard to get it how they wanted, and here I come with no concern whatsoever and wipe it all out.

This is kind of what happened on a much larger scale, and I was sorry for the ants that I messed with all those years ago. This is a mean planet in what probably is a mean universe, and I for one am much more grateful now than I’ve ever been for the things I do have. Nothing is owed to us.

My heart really goes out to the millions who are without the cushy creature comforts that most of us have grown accustomed to. I’m not laughing, because I know I could be next on the docket at any time. We all could. That sure keeps everything in perspective – and a frightening one it is.

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The Right Place

Monday October 29^th, 2012 – Fox Lake, IL

   I’m in a very positive mindset these days, and I’m loving every minute of it. That doesn’t mean I won’t slide back into the doldrums of a deep dark funk at some point, but for now I’m on top of a big wave and hanging ten. I realize that waves crash and wipeouts can be painful, but that’s not my point of focus right now. I am enjoying this ride and hope to make it last as long as possible.

I’ve been through so much in life that it would be difficult to spook me at this point. If I got the word tomorrow I was terminally ill, I wouldn’t be upset. If we’re truly put here to learn, I’ve sure done that and then some. I may not have had success in other ways, but I’ve earned a PhD in life.

I have come SO far from where I started it’s hard to believe I did it in one lifetime. There were all kinds of rough patches and pot holes on the road, but I’m still on it and I finally feel I have an idea of how to navigate my way to where I want to go. It’s taken too long, but I’m on my way.

On the other hand, the more I learn the more I realize how insignificant I am and how little of a scope my life really has. How many people have I been able to touch in a positive way? Who can say? However many it is, it doesn’t seem like enough. I feel like I haven’t done a whole lot and it both frustrates me and keeps me humble. Will I ever get my moment in the sun? I surely hope so.

If I do, I’d like to think I’m really ready for it. I would hope to be looked at as one of the nicest and most giving people anywhere, and set the standard for the term ‘class act’. That’s exactly the way I’ve always tried to live, but I haven’t always been in the correct mindset. I’ve really grown.

Now I’m in the home stretch, and I’m either going to experience the sweetest of victories or an excruciatingly bitter defeat. I feel like I’ve already experienced enough bitter defeats for a dozen lifetimes, but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen again. I can do what I can do, and that’s about it.

The rest boils down to luck, and that’s what really scares me. Mine has been consistently rotten to the point of laughable so far, but again there’s no guarantee it has to stay that way. If I’ve been able to have such unbelievable consistency one way, there has to be a way to reverse the magnet.

I’ve been a student of successful people for many years, and early failures are part of every one of their lives. If that’s the requirement, I have a big home run coming at some point and I want to make the most of it when it happens. The things I’m doing now are preparing me for that victory.

I really do think it’s all a mindset, and I’m in the exact one I need to be in right now. This is the way life should be, and I feel bulletproof even though I know I know I’m not. It’s the opposite of how I’ve felt when I’ve been in a funk when I felt like putting a bullet in my skull. This is better.

That John Mellencamp song ‘Your Life Is Now’ is becoming my personal theme song, and I’m trying to make every single day count. I’ve blown all kinds of opportunities, but that’s in the past and gone. New ones will come, and I want to be ready when they do. If I can keep myself where I am, I like my chances to win. I’ve been all over the place to say the least. This place is the best.

Does Fun Count?

Sunday October 28^th, 2012 – Burlington, WI/Kenosha, WI

   Does it matter in the big scheme of life that I am having an absolute blast and doing practically all the things I really enjoy? Unfortunately not in the least – but it sure does to me. I might not be rich or famous on a national or worldwide scale, but I’m squeaking by and I’m known enough to be able to keep doing the things I want to do. It might not be perfect, but I am living my dreams.

I really don’t think it would take all that much to put me into a very good place that would last the rest of my life. My needs and wants are laughingly few, and I’m old enough now ‘the rest of my life’ isn’t all that intimidating. If I had to put away money to live comfortably ‘for the rest of my life’ it wouldn’t put a dent in what most rappers probably spend on jewelry and dental gold.

A modest living arrangement that meets my simple needs and a reliable car are pretty much all I’d want, and that’s all I want now. I’ve never had extravagant tastes, and if I ever do hit that big money pay dirt windfall I’ve always been waiting for I’d probably end up giving most of it away.

I truly think that would be much more fun than spending it on myself. I’d love to be able to get up every morning and look for ways to make people’s lives better. I try to do that now, but it can get a little distracting having to constantly worry about if I’ll have enough to pay bills this week.

Today I didn’t worry about anything other than having fun doing what I enjoy. I took a ride up to the Sci Fi Café in Burlington, WI to attend the final day of the Burlington Vortex Conference, and it was worth my trip and then some. I got to take in some fascinating speakers including Don Schmitt who has been a friend for years. He’s an authority on the Roswell UFO crash from 1947.

Don is living his dream, and his book ‘Witness to Roswell’ is one of my favorites. There was a movie made based on it and another one is close to being finalized for production in 2013 which is very exciting. I always love hearing Don speak, and it’s even more fun knowing he’s a friend.

The final speaker of the weekend was a fascinating lady named Bonnie Meyer. She blew us all away with her presentation, and had some video clips of people’s UFO encounters. Bonnie is one of the most credible people I could imagine, and that’s what makes her story even more amazing.

She claims to have been visited by aliens thirty years ago, and they still come to see her once in a while. I know it sounds crazy and I can’t prove it’s real, but she sure does tell her story without flinching. She was one of the best guests we’ve ever had on the air, and she was even better live.

I’ve got her two books ‘Alien Contact’ and ‘Unholy Alliance’, and I recommend you check the both of them out. You don’t have to believe, but I guarantee it will get your brain spinning. I love everything about topics like this, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. It’s outstanding entertainment.

That carried over to The Mothership Connection radio show on AM 1050 WLIP.  We had been talking about doing a Ouija board demonstration for years, and tonight was the night. It made for a riveting radio bit, and all I could think of was how much fun I’m having with all I’ve got going.

Kings For A Night

Saturday October 27^th, 2012 – Fond Du Lac, WI

   Some nights it feels like I’m almost there. This was one of them. I don’t know why every night can’t be like this, but it isn’t. That’s what makes this whole game so difficult. I can’t think of any other profession where the circumstances are so consistently different from one night to the next.

I’d much prefer a bit more stability, but nobody ever said that would be part of the deal. We are all trying to scrape together a living any way we can, and it’s getting tougher and tougher to do it with any kind of regularity. We need to take work when and where it comes, and that’s how it is.

More and more comedians have to be entrepreneurial and book our own shows. Whatever kind of ‘circuit’ there may have been at one time is now a hollow shell of what it was. Booking agents that used to have several quality weeks of work to offer are down to a few scattered random gigs.

Survival as an entertainer requires a lot more hustle these days than ever – and it required hustle before. There may have been more work and less competition in the past, but it still took work to rise above the pack that existed then. Now, there are a lot more people fighting hard for scraps.

Jimmy McHugh is doing the right thing by seeking out fundraisers for his Chicago Comedy All Stars group. He’s got a deep rich pool of experienced talent to choose from and he knows how to put together quality shows. I don’t ever remember there being a bad show whenever I’ve worked with him, and tonight was no exception. This audience got their money’s worth and then some.

Jimmy, James Wesley Jackson and I were in Fond Du Lac, WI tonight doing a fundraiser for a great cause called ‘Hallow-Ian’. Ian Lock is a high school kid in town who survived cancer a few years ago and is doing very well now. The fundraiser started with him, but was passed forward to others who need it and this is the third year. Any time I can be part of this kind of event I’ll do it.

The hosts of the show were Marty Schibbelhut from B 104.7 and an old comedy friend named Michael ‘Silk’ Casper who works at ‘The Great 98’ WMDC. Michael is a long time comedian of very high caliber, and worked the road for years. Like me, he dabbled in both radio and comedy but he had a family to raise and opted for ‘stability’. I don’t fault anyone for ever choosing that.

He was always very funny, and it was great to share the stage once again after many years. We were treated like rock stars, and couldn’t appreciate it more. Jimmy knows what he’s doing when he sets up these shows, and Michael came through because he’s been a comedian his whole life.

The show itself was a stone cold killer and then some. Jimmy and James are both easy to work with, and we’ve always gotten along very well on stage and off. James is one of the nicest human beings walking the planet, and he always has a calming effect on everyone. It was a super night.

The only thing wrong is that we don’t have a couple of these every week. If we did, life would be a whole lot easier. Next week it’s back to pounding the turf for work, and I for one don’t have any. I can’t say I’m thrilled about it, but that’s in the future. For tonight we were all rock stars.

Places To Be, People To See

Friday October 26^th, 2012 – Milwaukee, WI/Burlington, WI

   Again with the crazy schedule. It doesn’t let up. I drove up to Milwaukee today to run a couple of errands which turned out to be more than a couple and take up most of the day. I tried to make the most of my time and get everything out of the way, but by the end of the day I was worn out.

The first stop was breakfast with my cousin Wendy, which turned out to be a family reunion as her husband Dan, daughter Katie and her husband Doug and their daughter Sofia joined us. I had some miscellaneous donations for the Josh Albert fundraiser to pass along that have been coming in after the fact, and mailing all of it would have been both expensive and a huge pain in the ass.

All of them were still glowing about the event, and that makes me feel like I spread some good and my time and efforts were worth it. I suggested we go over and bring Officer Albert a meal or something and visit for a little while and they thought it was a fantastic idea. I know how isolated it can feel in a long recovery period, as I went through it myself. A visitor can make a difference.

Spreading vibes of healing and kindness is all I want to do whenever I can do it with the rest of my life. That’s all that matters, and situations like this show me how much it’s needed. There are a lot of people who can use some positive energy, and I want to be around it as much as possible.

After breakfast it was off to meet my friend Lynn Miner – another kind soul. Lynn was right in the front row at the benefit, and was on the same page when he suggested we go visit sick people and bring some entertainment. Lynn does comedy magic, and is working on close up tricks to do in situations where people can’t get out of bed. I think that’s great, and I told him I’d play along.

I don’t know any magic tricks, but maybe I could tell a few funny stories of my own bouts with hospitals or recovery. Almost losing my testicles to gangrene last year is a hell of a story, and for males anyway it’s a great way to put their own injuries into perspective. That’s as ugly as it gets.

After that it was out to Pewaukee to meet with the event coordinators of an event I’m doing for the American Diabetes Association on November 2^nd in Milwaukee. It’s their big annual event to raise funds and they’re having a big auction. I volunteered to pitch in and they took me up on it.

The people in charge were all nice, and I got the feel they knew what they were doing so that’s always a big plus. I’ve seen all kinds of events flop because idiots were at the helm but it doesn’t appear to be the case here and that makes me feel like it won’t be a waste of time. I hope it raises a lot of money for the cause, and from what I saw today they have some exciting things planned.

After that it was a meeting with my friend Gary Pansch. Gary is a cartoonist and I want to hire him to do some work to punch up my comedy class worksheets. I want to put them into an ebook at some point as well as a physical work book, and I think it could use some cartoons for flavor.

Gary wanted to check out the Burlington Vortex Conference, so we headed over there to watch some speakers. It’s going all weekend, so check it out if you can. burlingtonnews.net/conference.

Tour De Farce

Thursday October 25^th, 2012 – Fox Lake, IL

   It sure would be nice if life would get easier and less complicated as time goes on, but that isn’t about to happen any time soon. I always seem to be working my way through a constant series of complicated situations that are like having to solve some giant puzzle. It can be very distracting.

One of the many hats a comedian wears is that of schedule arranger. I never enjoyed doing that and I still don’t, even though it’s a high priority. Without work, there is no income. Having to put a schedule together takes time away from actually being funny, and I find it an unpleasant chore.

Most people not in the business assume there is a ‘circuit’ we work, and our schedules are laid out in some sort of logical order. Oh, how I wish that were true. The truth is, it’s a giant game of musical chairs, and everyone has to scramble for work however and wherever they can find any.

It would be a breeze if there could be a way to guarantee one night or week in one town and the next in a town that’s not far away. I’d love to do a Milwaukee, Chicago, Indianapolis, Cincinnati Columbus, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Toledo, Detroit, Grand Rapids run just once. I’d be in heaven.

Instead, I’ve had to do insane mish mash runs like Salt Lake City, Charlotte, Reno, off a week, Duluth and then back to Salt Lake City. I go where the work is, and rarely does it get handed out in convenient and orderly servings. It’s a constant battle to get to wherever there is an opening.

I’ve got a potentially complicated situation brewing for New Year’s Eve week. That’s the best paying week of the year as a rule, and depending on when the actual date is it can be a good way to start the year with a few bucks in the pocket. This year it happens to fall on Monday and that’s tricky as it can make getting a booking the week before a bit harder. New Year’s Eve is the key.

Well, I might have a booking in Reno December 26-30. That’s great, and I have a lot of friends there but the gig doesn’t include New Year’s Eve for whatever reason. Maybe they booked some big name, or maybe they’re not even doing comedy. Whatever the case, I am not booked for it.

That’s where the problem starts. I don’t have a New Year’s Eve gig yet, and often they can get booked on short notice. If I had something, I could arrange my schedule so that I’d be able to fly from Reno on New Year’s Eve day and be wherever I needed to be so I could score the payday.

As of now, I don’t have any of it in stone and I could really end up in a pickle. If I get the Reno gig, I’ll have to buy a plane ticket ASAP to avoid getting bent as much as possible. But if I’d get a New Year’s Eve gig at the last minute that’s far from Chicago that could end up being a hassle.

If it were any other week, I’d go to Reno and have fun. The one week of the year when it could mean a big payday it has to work out this way and make me have to stress about how it will wind up turning out. I could catch a break, or I could totally take it in the shorts. I’ll see how it ends up and at this point the Reno gig still isn’t in stone. Having to still be dealing with this kind of house of cards so far into the game is not what I wanted to be doing, but that’s how the game is played.

Knuckling Down

Wednesday October 24^th, 2012 – Fox Lake, IL

   Another day of hard work, and I feel like I’m on the right track. I made a point to get organized for next year’s tax return so I don’t have to go through the torture I’m going through now. I don’t ever want this to be a problem again, and even though I’ve said it before this time feels different.

All of my receipts to date are not only in one place, they’re in order separated into individually marked envelopes. My friend Todd Hunt is a business speaker who bills himself as a ‘recovering anal retentive’. I think I’m getting onset type 2 anal retentiveness, but I’m not going to complain.

Getting this part of my life straightened out will help free my mind up for more creative things. I’ve still got a ton of ideas rolling around in my head like lotto balls, and I know in my heart one of them will have the winning combination. Before I die I’d like to experience at least ONE hit.

In a perfect world it would be great to have a string of them. Everything I’m doing is great fun, but I have to believe it would be more fun if it were making a profit. One healthy run of comedy work for six months would change my life around completely. It’s not like I can’t handle the job.

Working in nice venues for decent money on ONE tour would make my life dramatically better in a hurry. 100 cities with say 1000 people at $20 a head would be what, $2 million? I’d think I’d have to sell some merchandise too, so conservatively that would be another cool million. I’m in!

And those are conservative numbers. I look at guys like Louis CK or Jim Gaffigan and wonder how they did it. I don’t begrudge those guys in the least, but they’re of my generation of comics and I know I could do very well with their fans. How do I cultivate my own group of loyal fans?

It’s not a matter of talent or ability. I can do the job on stage, it’s off stage that I stink out loud. I need help with my business, and I’m not too proud to admit it. Who could put me in front of an audience that would like Louis CK or Jim Gaffigan or Brian Regan or any one of a group of guys that is doing what I want to do? I don’t have a clue how to do that, but I’m sure going to find out.

I want to work in Las Vegas and Reno and Atlantic City. Why am I not doing that? I should’ve been a regular in all those places years ago. Mr. Lucky is a perfect persona for casino gigs, and if I could get a few steady gigs in those places it would help immensely. I’d pay my debt in a jiffy.

Cruise ships are another possibility. I’d go back out in a second, and a few months at sea would turn my whole world around for the better. There’s a new booker at Carnival Cruise Lines, and if I can catch a break and connect with her I know I’d prove myself all over again. I’d be a lot more prepared than I was the last time when I had no idea what to expect. This time I’d be a lot better.

These are my prime years, and they’re fading quickly. If I’m going to make my mark in a good way it’s going to be in the next little while or it won’t happen at all. Lighting this fire under me is the best thing that could have happened, and I’m not going to let the opportunity pass without an all out effort on my part. I’ve come this far, why stop chasing dreams? I want to WIN this game!

Battle Stations

Tuesday October 23^rd, 2012 – Fox Lake, IL

   Battle stations, everyone. Oh, wait a minute – it’s just me. I’m backed against a wall and I can’t count on anyone but myself to slug my way out. I’d love to get a helping hand from someone but it’s still hard for me to trust. I’ve been scorched so many times in life, I can’t help being a cynic.

This has to be the time to develop a new approach and a better attitude. I’ve been stuck in mud too many times to count, and it’s not like this is the worst I’ve ever had it. Yes, I owe a chunk of coin to the IRS but I’m surely not the first person to be in this position. It’s how I choose to deal with it that counts, and I’m choosing to take the high road and handle it with class and dignity.

If nothing else, it will get me to break my current pattern of behavior which hasn’t been giving me the results I really want. I’ve been barely squeaking by, which is not what I think life should be about. I want to surf the big waves, at least for a little while to experience what that feels like.

It really does boil down to a matter of money, and this is the perfect opportunity to improve my life dramatically. I am uneducated and inexperienced when it comes to money matters, and that’s totally my fault. It’s been a constant source of pain and misery, but that has to change in a hurry.

I have made up my mind to not only pay what I owe to the IRS, but completely transform how I handle my finances from now on. I’ve had enough of how I’ve mangled it for so long, and I am frustrated to the point of taking immediate action to insure it doesn’t happen again. I’m not going to sit back and feel sorry for myself, even though sometimes that seems like the easy alternative.

Today I circled my wagons and tried to come up with my smartest plan of action. I’ve got a lot of possibilities, but I can’t be farting around with long shots right now. No more Ralph Kramden or Lucy get rich quick schemes for me – at least not for the next little while. It’s time to bet safe.

I wouldn’t be above getting some kind of a ‘stable’ job for the next year or so, but just doing it to do it will be a guarantee of pure misery. I don’t mind working, I just want to do something I’ll be able to enjoy. A lot of people don’t have that luxury, but I’ve been able to do it for a lifetime.

No matter how many times I get screwed over in entertainment, I still love doing the actual job. Being on stage as a comedian or on the radio or teaching classes are all great fun when it’s going well – which after all these years is more often than not. If I have trouble, it’s with management.

Comedy bookers and radio management can be absolutely maddening to deal with, and I often say what’s on my mind and get myself in trouble. Still, there are others that think I’m one of the easiest people to work with anywhere. Those are the ones I’m going to gravitate to from now on.

I made a list of my best contacts, and I’m going to rattle their cages and let them know I could use some quality work right about now. I’ll do comedy clubs, cruise ships, corporate work, teach classes, do holiday parties or whatever else I can go make some money and rebuild the nest egg I had to fritter away last year when I was laid up. I’m going to find a way to come back and win.

The Hammer Drops

Monday October 22^nd, 2012 – Mt. Prospect, IL

   It’s hammer time, but not in the rapper kind of way. When the hammer drops in my world, it’s usually of the sledge variety and the location it drops is the base of my skull – numerous times. I am experiencing one of my legendary ‘Mr. Lucky’ streaks, and it’s not pleasant. I’m used to it.

First, I got a ticket on the way home from my radio show in Kenosha, WI for allegedly running a stop sign on a country road. I don’t think I did, but it’s my word against the officer’s. Doesn’t it make a difference that I just put together a huge benefit for an injured officer in Milwaukee? No.

This wasn’t Milwaukee, and I could tell the guy had a major bug up his ass when he got out of his patrol car. I felt it immediately. It was 1am, and apparently he had nothing better to do. I shut my mouth and took my ticket. Arguing at 1am with a pissed off cop isn’t my idea of a fun time.

This morning I had an appointment with my tax accountant who finished the returns I had been late on filing. It turns out I’m going to owe about six grand. Yikes. That totally rocked my world, but what can I do? I made some money on the cruise ships over parts of both years, and although I put some away for tax purposes I had to end up living on it as I recovered from my health mess.

I couldn’t work for several months in 2011, and had to use that money for dumb stuff like food and rent and other frivolities. That’s how it is, and it caught me at the worst possible time. I have to pay what I owe, but I don’t have the first nickel right now. I’m going to have to make a plan.

Nobody cares that I had some rough times, and the government wants their money. It will be a mammoth challenge to get it paid, but I have a choice in how I’m going to handle it. I could bitch about my unfortunate situation and be angry at the world, or use this as an opportunity to grow.

I’m going to choose the latter, and find a way to get it done. It will cause me to pay a whole lot more attention to my finances, so I guess that’s a good thing. Money has never been a priority in my life, but it’s going to have to be at least until I get this paid off. I’ll have to use my creativity.

Actually, this couldn’t have come at a better time. I’m in a pretty good place in my head these days, especially after doing the fundraiser show for Officer Albert in Milwaukee. It puts life into a much better perspective, and I realize I don’t really have any problems. Would I prefer to be in his situation or my own? I’d have to say mine is better, and I’ll take my lumps and shut my yap.

Nobody had any benefits for me when I was in the hospital, but that’s how it is. I could’ve lost my genitals, and I think about that every single day when I wake up. I can walk, I can think, I’ve got a fantastic group of friends and I have the ability to make people laugh. The rest is up to me.

For the next little while, I’m going to have to make decisions differently than I have in the past. Money is going to be more important, and like it or not I need to take responsibility and turn this situation around. I got myself into it, and I am the one who has to find a way to get out. I haven’t committed a crime, and I’ll fix this. Oh, and my ‘check engine’ light came on today. Lucky me.

Disturbing Developments

Sunday October 21^st, 2012 – Fox Lake, IL

   What is wrong with this planet? Yet another psychotic wackadoo flipped out and walked into a beauty salon in the Milwaukee area with a gun today and went on a shooting spree. He ended up killing his wife and two others who worked there, wounded a few more and then killed himself.

   This really disturbs me on so many levels I don’t know where to start. First off, why did it have to happen in the Milwaukee area? They just had another horrible killing spree at the Sikh Temple in Oak Creek a few months back, and that was painful enough for the city to have to go through.

Whether I live there or not, Milwaukee will always be my home town and nobody wants to see their home town’s image tarnished with such ugliness. It’s bad enough we had to have the scar of Jeffrey Dahmer upon us as Milwaukeeans for twenty plus years. I still get that thrown in my face on the road constantly, and I can’t believe how fresh it is in people’s minds all these years later.

That was an especially extreme case, and it got worldwide attention. For whatever reason, what he did and how he did it captured people in such a way it stuck with them forever. They knew his name immediately, and they know it now. He’ll be infamous for generations like Hitler or Lizzie Borden or Jack The Ripper, and that’s how it is. The victims are forgotten but the scum lives on.

This particular case doesn’t appear to have that kind of media staying power, and that disturbs me in a different way. It’s not that I want a publicity campaign for the son of a bitch, but we as a nation have seen this kind of thing so often in the last twenty years it’s hard for it to have impact.

We see it on TV constantly for a few days, and then it’s replaced by another horrific story that gets milked dry. It takes the humanity out of it all, especially with the victims and their families. I heard this maniac and his wife have a daughter, and that really bothered me. What about her?

I wish I could find her and give her a hug and tell her it’s going to be alright – but it isn’t. How is she supposed to ‘just get over it’ and build a life? Nobody ever talks about those who have had to endure situations like this, and my heart totally aches for them. They’ve got big time baggage.

What’s even worse are the innocent people who just happened to be caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. How is anyone supposed to protect themselves from that? It’s just a matter of someone’s number coming up, and it could come up for any one of us at any time. That’s scary.

What frustrates me most is that the lowlife pukes who pull these stunts always off themselves in the mix so they don’t have to face the consequences of their actions. If they want to blow their heads off, fine. I don’t have a problem with that, but why take out innocent people? It’s a waste.

I couldn’t help but think about this all day today and it makes me sick to my stomach knowing I’ve tried to get known for making people laugh and I have to fight and scratch for any little bone of publicity I get but this kook bag flips out and gets on national television. This world is wacked and getting wackier by the day. My heart goes out to the innocent ones who were victims today.