Flaming Heaps Of Donkey Poo

Thursday August 23rd, 2012 – Fox Lake, IL

   I wish I had some kind of an idea if I’ve touched anyone in a positive way. I really don’t know. I sure do intend to, but then I’ll piss someone off unintentionally and it seems like I’m on a black list for life. I’ve never claimed to be perfect, but I don’t think my crimes deserve the punishment.

My sister and I had a falling out going on twenty years now, and she has not spoken to me even one time since. Granted, I said I never wanted to talk to her again but that was in the moment and I didn’t really mean it. I’ve tried at least a dozen times to apologize and take the blame, but she is not hearing of it. At this point, any brother/sister relationship has been permanently amputated.

The Bob and Tom radio show is another sore spot. I still don’t know what I did to piss them off to the point of physically removing me from the studio and firing me from their comedy tour, but apparently I did and my name is still mud in their eyes and that happened several years ago now.

Again, I tried to apologize to them as well but they wouldn’t hear of it and I’ve heard some not too friendly comments about me attributed to them through the grapevine that I can’t confirm but find to be totally unnecessary. I did nothing to provoke them, but apparently they can’t stand me.

I think that’s a little harsh in my opinion, and I tried to make it right but they wouldn’t accept a sincere apology and that’s how it is. It’s not like I went in there trying to do anything but do what they told me to do. I was asked to tell a story that was published in a book called “I Killed” – and that’s exactly what I did. When I finished, everyone was fuming and I was tossed out on my ear.

Then there’s the situation with the Funny Bone chain that’s yet another flaming heap of donkey poo. I’ve managed to thoroughly infuriate a significant faction of their booking people over some opinions I voiced when a club owner passed away a while back. Had they read what I wrote they would have seen that I was pointing the finger of blame squarely at myself – but alas they didn’t.

Word got out that I was the devil, and I am now banned for the rest of eternity from any Funny Bone club in the solar system apparently. Again, I tried to make it right and explain what I wrote but nobody would hear of it. And when I asked if any of those who banned me had actually read my posting they all said the same thing, “I didn’t HAVE to read it – I heard about it.” Whatever.

This is how life works, but it’s worse in the entertainment business. Pettiness abounds, and I’ve never enjoyed playing stupid grade school games. That’s a major reason why I’m not farther than I probably should be, but it’s a problem because being an ass kisser just isn’t part of my makeup.

Popeye said it best – “I yam what I yam.” I have a long list of nice people I’m very fond of and consider friends, but those few things like this that have gone wrong suck out my positive energy and it leaves me feeling I’ve never done anything to touch anyone positively. It drains my tank.

I realize I can be a total dingle berry when I want to be, but we all can. None of these examples were results I intended. I said I was sorry, and I was. I still am, but I guess it’s not good enough.

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