It’s Good To Be The King!

Tuesday December 13th, 2011 – Fox Lake, IL

Time trickles steadily away for all seven billion of us who share space on this planet, so why would anybody waste even part of one second doing anything that’s not fun? I don’t know, but we absolutely do. Life has a way of draining hopes and dreams from us all, but I’m having a difficult time accepting it. I fall prey to it too at times, but I refuse to give in.

I’ve come way too far and worked way too hard to just drift off into the abyss and leave this coldhearted crazy world with even half a drop of desire still inside me. If I’m going to find happiness, I have to seek it. And to seek anything, one should have a clue what it is.

To me, happiness is making other people happy. I know that sounds sappy and right off of a Ziggy Hallmark card, but I really mean it. When other people are laughing, they’re in a good mood. There’s positive energy everywhere, and I get to enjoy it too. It’s a win/win.

Possessions don’t thrill me, and getting a lot less important. I swear, when I get rich I’ll still buy my cars from an auction. I might buy someone else a new car, just because Elvis started that trend and it sounded fun. It would give me more satisfaction to see somebody else go nuts when they receive a car rather than me getting one for myself. Is that stupid?

Maybe it is, but that’s how I feel. The whole world is stupid, and getting stupider by the minute. That’s why I’m so fascinated with my King of Uranus concept. It’s right at a level where the masses can grasp it, and it’s totally harmless. In this day and age, that’s needed.

Tensions are running sky high everywhere, and humor is sorely needed whether anyone realizes it or not. I think they do, but they don’t always know where to get it. I don’t mean just going to watch comedians at a comedy club, even though that’s a good start. I mean a revolution in how humor is both delivered and received. I want to broaden all parameters.

I’m getting a much clearer picture in my head of who ‘The King’ is going to be. He’s an ultimate outsider – the perfect ‘butt’ of all jokes. Pun totally intended. The King of Uranus has to be an identifiable character both by how he looks and what he says. It’s a total package.

It’s part professional wrestler, part flamboyant evangelist, part standup comic, part nerd, part clown, part goofball and finally a part of me thrown in like a cherry on a sundae. This is something I really want to do, only because I think it could do so much good for people in the long run. Plus, it will be total fun to breathe life into it from the ground up. I love it.

EVERY SINGLE DAY, someone tailgates me in my car and takes a picture of my plate that says ‘URANUS 2’ and my ‘I (heart) URANUS’ bumper sticker directly above it. It’s a just a nondescript run of the mill Chevy Cavalier, but those two things give it identity.

People give me thumbs up and waves all the time, and I see broad smiles on everybody from hot chicks to old fogies and everyone in between. I’ve got something here, now it’s a matter of deciding exactly what that is, and what I want it to be. This is a life mission.

I’ve farted around with this concept way too long – another pun intended. It’s time for a deeper commitment, and today is that day. I like the 13th of the month, as nobody else has claimed it. That’s the day each month I used to send my ‘Mr. Lucky’ comedy newsletters.

Then my ex business partner did his little embezzling number and ended up skating off with my mailing list, and I’ve been working to get back on track since. That’s part of my point. Life happens, but it happens to us all. I’m not the only one who has had obstacles.

I’m disappointed that I’ve allowed them to slow me down as much as they have. I admit I’m scattered and going in way too many directions most of the time, but that’s just a part of who I am. Maybe it’s my left handedness, or another reason. But it’s never an excuse.

I’ve been working on one facet of the Uranus project or another every single day for the past few weeks, and actually making more progress than I have in a while. It keeps me on my toes, as there are a lot of things to work on. There are business duties, and then there’s the whole creative side. Since I’m starting from scratch, (another pun intended) it’s slow.

There are more than enough other things to distract me, and they have, but then I’ll have someone beep and give me a thumbs up at a stop light or walk up to me in parking lot and say how funny they think it all is, and I know without a hint of doubt I’ve hit the jackpot.

In a quarter of a century of trying to get famous as me, I’ve failed miserably. I struck out big time, and that’s just how it is. The public didn’t care, and that’s their right. Then, I get a personalized plate and a bumper sticker made and I’m suddenly the hit of the highway.

I don’t even have the character created yet. It’s just some dorky white guy who drives a painfully ordinary Chevy Cavalier, but I know I’ve hit on something. I have to BECOME The King of Uranus, and I need to do it in a hurry. When it hits, it will hit big, and I need to be ready. I’m not even going to say if, because something inside knows it’s a winner.

How big a winner, I don’t know. And truthfully, I don’t care. It’s already been amazing to see the reaction of people just in the planning stages. I can only imagine how it will be when I’m decked out in my getup and out in public wearing a long royal robe and a crown on my cabbage. I’m going to carry a scepter too. If I’m going to do it, I’m doing it right.

I stopped at a costume shop today to look for ideas. When I sashayed in and announced  I was The King of Uranus, the stunned look on the woman’s face followed by a big giggle as I calmly looked at her without flinching made my trip worthwhile. I’m finally living it!

I know I’m nuts, and I know it’s a juvenile idea that‘s off the deep end, and I don’t care. What’s anyone going to do, laugh at me? That’s my objective, so thanks from the bottom of Uranus to anyone who thinks I’m out of my mind for doing this. Congratulations, you nailed it. I am out of my mind, but so is the rest of this world. If I’m going to have to live with all these other kooks, flukes, flakes and failures, I might as well go down swinging.
Everyone else in my family died without living any dreams. My dreams live in Uranus!


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