Monday November 28th, 2011 – Fox Lake, IL
I’m sliding right back into that positive place in my head I was in, and I like it. I took a direct hit to my weakest point, and I admit it laid me out for a few days. I did get scolded by several of those closest to me for scaring them, and I sincerely apologize for doing it.
I often forget that real live human beings actually read my daily diatribes, but that’s not who I’m writing it for in my head. I write this for me – at least for now. It gives me a real sense of accomplishment every day and its been a tremendous discipline for several years.
I lay out my thoughts and feelings without really thinking of who may see it. The people I do frequently nod to in the back of my mind are aspiring comedians coming up the ranks who might be able to use my experiences to help with their own struggles. This is a nasty business, especially in the beginning. I always try to help those who came along after me.
It’s to the point now, I get constant feedback from all kinds of people about my writings and I have to say the majority of it is quite supportive. There are a few who won’t mind if I surpass the surly bounds of earth, but that goes with the territory. At least I put a dent of my own in someone else’s can enough to have them write and tell me they hope I croak.
Whatever. That’s their right, just as I feel it’s my right to go off on any tangents I want at any time I want. I try to keep it positive as much as I can, because I try to be positive as much as I can. However, some days life just isn’t a steady diet of Hershey bars and Archie comics and I document how I feel – warts and all. To say I’m crazy is a waste of breath.
I know that, and I don’t deny it. I’ve said it before, all creative and/or interesting people have a nut bag side. I’m no different, and I don’t hide it. I’m out there slugging it out with seven billion other dented cans, some of us wackier than others. In case you haven’t taken a peek around your world lately, life is not that easy and getting more difficult by the day.
I’m dealing with the daily dung the best way I can. Sometimes I step directly in it, and if that happens all bets are off. I’d love to report happy thoughts every day but that’s just not how it goes. Still, I need to watch myself and try to be more aware that I do have readers.
I want to make this interesting for me, so hopefully those who do take time to read it get at least some entertainment from it. I’ve had quite a few people tell me they’re living their big showbiz dreams through me, even though it scares me to be under that much pressure.
It’s hard enough to make it through each day myself without having others watching me from afar, armchair quarterbacking. I do appreciate it greatly when someone takes time to send a personal note though – even if they do think I’m a dead dog’s dingle berry. It‘s ok.
Whenever you are reading this, I hope you grow greatly from my goofs and use them as inspiration to improve your own life. I’m just a squirrel, searching for a nut. No – actually, I’m a nut searching for a life. Hopefully, my journey can be a road map for someone else.