Wall In The Family


Sunday July 25th, 2010 – Milwaukee, WI/Kenosha, WI

It’s shaping up as if good old Milwaukee is set to once again play a role in my life in the next few months so I might as well get used to it. I played German Fest yesterday and I’ve got more bookings in August, September and October as I segue into a more focused plan of establishing the “Schlitz Happened! An Old Milwaukee Blatz From The Pabst” show.

The good part about going back there now is it’s just another town. Most of the people I had issues with are now dead or so far out of my life they’re dead to me. As I look back at it now, I have a hard time seeing what any of it proved or why it all happened, but it did.

Most of my family were just dysfunctional people. They came from an energy source I don’t want to go anywhere near, but I had to be around it anyway. Then I was old enough to make my own choices, but by then a lot of their dysfunction splattered up and affected my life too. I’m not saying I’m not nuts, but I’m not like them either. My life proves that.

The results of my life’s energy output are about as opposite from my family as opposite can get. I took a completely different path from all of them, and now all these years later I can’t even see where they are on the path of life. We’ve drifted so far apart we’ve split up as a family, and whatever bond was there is now totally gone. Personally, I don’t miss it.

I miss the companionship and encouragement a family is supposed to bring, but I’m not at all sorry to be away from all that “he said, she said” BS. I don’t need that, and I’m sure not interested in anyone telling me what to do or having to worry if I have approval to do whatever it is I’m doing. My life is my life and the rest of them can kiss my liberated ass.

It’s a shame when family doesn’t work out, but I know I’m not the only one. Mine was on a bigger scale though, that’s for sure. Other than my cousin Brett, I’m not really close to any of them, and at this point I don’t think that will ever change. My siblings live in an entirely different world that has nothing to do with me, and they like it there. Whatever.

I don’t even know if my own mother is living or dead, and I don’t know very many who can say that, or would want to. I really don’t either, but all these years later the damage is done and the healing over has taken place. If my mother came around tomorrow, I’d have absolutely nothing to say to her. I’m not looking for reconciliation or want to ’catch up’.

The reason I’m writing about this is because most other people won’t. I hope most who read my little daily poop output quota have no idea what I’m talking about and just move on, hoping tomorrow’s post may be interesting. But then there are those who totally get it. These are the true dented cans, and the ones I unfortunately can relate to. We need a hug.

That’s what I always thought comedic success would do – make up for all the dents my family life’s can had. Now I know that’s never going to happen, but I’m fine with it. I just want to live out my days in peace, and that peace is growing in my head. My painful past in Milwaukee is just that – past. Now I can go up there and focus on doing good shows.

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