Catching My Drift

Tuesday June 29th, 2010 – St. Charles, IL

Here comes that old drifting feeling again. I wish I knew what the hell I was doing with my life, other than trying to survive the summer. I’m not thrilled with how a lot of things are playing out, and I can see a big change in the near future just to shake things up a bit.

Doing what I’m doing doesn’t seem to be working, and I’m losing faith and patience at an alarming rate. These next three months are going to be a big turning point of both how and where I’ll spend the next few years. I don’t want to live like a spider in a basement at this time in my life, and something needs to change. I can feel this chapter ending. Soon.

Time is running out on having both enough energy and desire to move somewhere else to start all over yet again. I’ve done it too many times to count, and every time has ended with me moving back to Chicago with my tail between my legs. One more time wouldn’t mean the end of the world if I failed, but it sure would be a kick in the balls of my heart.

It already has been. I’ve already moved back from Lansing, Reno, Los Angeles and Salt Lake City and I’ve spent smaller chunks of time in several other places like Albuquerque, Ft. Wayne, Kansas City and Ft. Lauderdale thinking I may have radio jobs that never did materialize. If I’ve done one thing in life, it’s roll the dice. It would be nice to win once.

I did see the country and meet new people and it was an adventure to say the least. Now I have different needs, and adventure isn’t necessarily one of them. Security would be the one thing I’d like more than anything, but is that ever an option? I’m not the only one that doesn’t have a retirement fund, but that doesn’t mean I have to accept it. I need to fix that.

The reason I’m thinking of all this is that I got an email from a cruise ship talent booker asking what my available dates were for the rest of this summer, and where I was located. I have a feeling I’m going to get a test run, and if I do I have total confidence I’ll nail it.

If that happens, there might be a possibility of a chunk of bookings but it could depend on if I’m willing to move to Florida to be near where the work is. That would mean a new start and having to leave behind some of the things I’m working on here in the Midwest.

Could I come back if it didn’t work out? Yes, but that would take a lot of energy and it wouldn’t be pleasant. None of the last times were either, but at least in my mind I was on the trail of chasing the big dream. This isn’t it. Cruise ships aren’t where stars are made.

But neither was Reno or Salt Lake City or any of those other places I was except for Los Angeles, but when I was there I wasn’t ready to be there. I’d love to go back, but this is a young man’s game and that ship may have already sailed. I really don’t know what to do.

I’ve still got the ‘Schlitz Happened!’ one man show, comedy classes and the mail order Uranus Factory Outlet business ideas, but none of those are raking in cash yet. This could be a chance to get out of my financial doldrums and if an offer comes I’ll have to take it.

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