Solemnly Swearing


Wednesday April 22nd, 2009 – Lake Villa, IL

Time to lighten up a little. I’ve been in one of my dark and brooding moods for the last couple of days and I don’t want to stay there. It’s not so much a depression funk as it is an overwhelming feeling of frustration. It feels like I’m on the wrong planet and I’ll never be able to fulfill my true potential. The good news is the only one who cares even a bit is me.

Nobody else even thinks about it. I’ll take that as a positive. The bar of accomplishment is set ridiculously low in this life so it doesn’t really matter what goals I have. I’ve already accomplished more than both my parents combined just by finishing high school. They’ve made it easy for me to out achieve them but that’s not enough. I want to be MY very best.

I look around at all the idiots sharing my ride on this planet and it makes me recall what my Grandpa used to drill into my head over and over as a kid. It didn‘t make any sense to me then but I sure can relate to it now. He said “The world is 99 percent shit. It’s your job to sift through it to see if you can find any peanuts.” Gramps had an earthy vocabulary.

So did everyone else in my childhood. My father rode with a motorcycle gang and they all swore like…well, a motorcycle gang. They dropped the ‘F’ word like a Kawasaki title and used it as a noun, verb, adverb and modifier. The only person I ever knew who could out swear the Outlaws was my grandmother. She could turn the air vivid blue in a hurry.

That’s one of the reasons I haven’t used any of that language in the time I’ve been doing this diary. My grandfather’s quote two paragraphs ago is the first time I’ve used any word stronger than damn or hell or maybe a bitch or bastard once in a while. I’m not at all upset if someone uses profanity but I didn’t want to make it a distraction with what I’m doing.

What I’m trying to do with this diary is firstly just have some daily discipline in my life. I wanted to make it a daily project and so far that’s worked out amazingly well. It’s now a regular part of my life so that part has been accomplished. The second thing I’m trying for is a daily peek into the world of entertainment so it can be studied by the up and comers.

Thirdly I wanted to hopefully gain a following of those who aren’t in any form of show business at all but wonder what it’s like. Sometimes I wonder if I’m in the business at all myself but that’s who I am and what I do. I want this to chronicle my journey through the jungle of life and entertainment and at the end maybe somebody can learn a lesson or two.

Or not. Hell, I’m just trying to survive like everyone else. I’ve got some uncommon life situations to deal with but I never thought I was the only one with problems. I want to put mine out there so they help others. Either that or I hope they’ll entertain other strugglers.

Life is exactly that too…a big old ugly struggle. It’s hilarious to watch others sweat out a solution to a problem but when we have to do it it’s not so damn funny, is it? That’s the ingredient of comedy that’s so important. It’s OTHER people’s problems. That’s where it all happens. If problems were bullets I’d have enough to sponsor the next six world wars.

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