The Ideas Of March

Sunday March 15th, 2009 – Milwaukee, WI/Kenosha, WI

 Up to Milwaukee today for a birthday brunch with my cousin Brett. His birthday was in February but he’s still a Pisces so we rolled it into one and went to Pandl’s for a big feast. I still think they have one of the best brunches on Earth and we love to go and grub up.

The sun was out and the food was fresh and we had a really good visit. Brett is the only one in my family who seems to get it and I really value his input. He’s always been in my corner through thick and thin and it was great to be able to relax and enjoy our meal. We laughed a lot and they were deep laughs because we share a lifetime of history together.

Then I came home and saw my email box packed full of birthday wishes from all over the country from all kinds of people. There were comics and former students and friends I went to school with and radio people I’ve worked with and I sure appreciated every one.

It helps to cover up the fact I haven’t heard from my mother on my birthday in probably twenty years and I don’t know if she’s living or dead. I wouldn’t know how to react if she in fact is alive and tried to contact me now. I feel absolutely no emotion toward her at all.

That’s not how life should be in my opinion but that’s how it turned out. It hurt for a lot of years but now I just kind of roll with it. She’s never been a part of my life so it’s not as if I miss any memories of her. I miss the fact that I never got to know my mother at all.

It’s too late now. Just like when my father offered to ‘hang out and split a pizza’ when I was 31. I didn’t need any more friends then and I don’t now. I needed a father and he was never there. I knew who he was but never got to know him. I never knew who my mother was at all. I saw her maybe four or five times in my life and the last time I was about 18.

These are the kinds of things that put people over the edge. It drives people to do drugs or drink and every day I’m SO thankful I never went down that road. If I did I doubt if I’d still be alive to write about it. Every day I wake up is bonus time. I don‘t want to waste it.

That’s why I need to make a better plan and squeeze as much as I can into however long I have left. It’s all about giving and sharing with others now as my own can is still dented and always will be. I will never have the dream life I pictured as a kid and maybe that’s a good thing if it makes me get off my ass and share what I have been given with others.

I’m on the clock now and deadlines are good, at least for me. I need them to get projects done or I’ll let them sit there and go unfinished forever. I sat around and thought of all the fun things I still want to do with my life and realized I probably won’t get them all done.

That’s why I have to be careful with my time. The distant future is not all that distant as I get older and my time to shine is now. That puts a whole new urgency on what I am into and hopefully it will make me get more things done. I feel like I have a lot to accomplish. I need to go through my schedule and see what I can eliminate that is wasting my time.

Part of that is the Mothership Connection radio show in Kenosha, WI on WLIP. I really do enjoy the whole experience but is it worth my time? I can’t really say. I don’t get paid a nickel and prospects of that don’t look good but I do get to have some creative control.

I love creative control but there has to be a payoff at some point. I have creative control over my comedy and it’s starting to pay off after many years of hard work. Getting on TV is a great start and should lead to other things including more TV and work in new places that will also pay. I am parlaying my efforts and I can see the value of my time preparing.

As much as I love doing the radio show and the people I do it with it’s not going to pay off anywhere near how comedy is paying off right now and I don’t know if I can afford to invest my time in making it continue. It will dilute both my comedy and the radio as well. I have a few back to back weeks of comedy gigs coming up and the show will be an issue.

Who am I going to get to fill in for me? I don’t know right now and I have too much on my plate to do a ‘nationwide search’. I only have a limited amount of time and energy and it’s just becoming a distraction rather than a project I can breathe life into and develop.

I’ve got enough projects on the burner to fit that description. Uranus Factory Outlet has all the ingredients to not only be big fun but make big money too. Maybe not immediately but it can be built. I don’t see how I can build the radio show into anything but a hobby.

If I dropped the show I’d miss it but I’d also have more time available to devote to other projects I enjoy just as much. I need to get my comedy classes going too and that’s also an outlay of time and effort. Between comedy and classes and Uranus and radio that does not leave me a lot of time for hanging out with friends or God forbid dating anyone regularly.

Time is rapidly becoming the enemy and to win the war I need to have a battle plan. I’m up against a formidable opponent that keeps attacking so I have to be on my game and get a good plan in place and work the plan every day. I also need a positive surrounding cast.

I have a fantastic group of hand picked friends and talented people I have chosen for my circle of contacts and hearing from them on my birthday was very much appreciated. That tells me there are good people in this world and those are who I always want to work with and will give my all on their behalf. I have the ingredients for success. It’s time to get it.

This is the best time in my life. I’m at my peak creatively and before I get senile and not able to zip up my own pants I need to squeeze as much product out as I can. I can feel my mortality and it really doesn’t scare me. What scares me is that I’ll die with work undone. If there is a next life I surely don’t want to come back here. I want to go to a new planet.

For now I’m here and that’s my reality. I choose to plug on and make the most of what I have been given and continue to give of myself until it hurts. I want to be remembered for my generosity and sincerity and hopefully I can make a few people laugh along the way as well. It’s taken a long time to get where I am and I want to make sure I don’t blow it now.

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